Balancing Shadows
by meltedjujubees
Summary: I suck at summaries, but Zed and Syndra as I see them together. (Can you say otp?) This is my first attempt at an ongoing story, so any feedback is appreciated! Please review and I hope you enjoy! (I'm sorry for the awful summary, I promise the fic is better.) This part of the story is complete, but part 2 will be here soon! Thank you for reading!
1. Chapter 1

Syndra was bored.

The voice that was prattling on in the background no longer held what little vestiges of her interest there were to be had, and she was running out of things to look at in the room. She'd catalogued every color in the oriental carpet, every swirl in the art on the walls. She'd even counted every freckle across Karma's nose. She dropped her head to rest to rest on the heel of her hand, squishing her face in an exasperated sigh. The voice was quiet, soothing, the air in the room was warm, and she was so comfortable…

"Syndra."

Karma snapped her fingers in front of Syndra's face. Her eyes flew open and she jerked awake, focusing her bleary eyes on Karma's face. She looked disappointed.

Good.

"Have you been listening to anything I've said?"

Syndra yawned and rolled her shoulders, stretching.

"Yes. I've been very bad, I understand."

Karma sighed, the corner of her mouth turning down just slightly.

"I guess we're done here. Until next time, Syndra."

Syndra grinned and leapt out of her chair, wasting no time in her exit from the room. She stopped just briefly to bow to Karma at the door, and then she was gone.

She practically skipped into the forest around Karma's house, finding the path that led deeper into it. She always felt extraordinarily elated after visiting Karma; she was just disrespectful enough to get let out early, and being stuffed in a room with Karma for more than 20 minutes always made her appreciate the outside a little more. She paused a moment to close her eyes and breathe deeply, letting the air lift her spirits and the sun warm her skin. The trees above her had small leaves and thin branches, allowing the suns light to filter through, onto her and the path. She waved a hand and the spheres she carefully hid away around Karma appeared around her, the embodiment of her mood. They swirled and dipped in the air, larger than normal, casting light shadows across Syndra and the earth below her. She held out a hand for one orb to perch on, and launched it higher into the air, watching it spiral slowly before returning to her side.

Syndra walked until the path ended at the edge of the forest, where the ground around her was torn and uneven and shrouded in constant shadow. She pulled the wandering spheres around her, carefully arranged them for her to stand on. She took a moment to find her balance, and instructed them to carry her upwards, toward the floating fortress that Syndra called home. She admired the foreboding, simple architecture, bathed in the diminishing sunlight, swathed in greenery and flowers, spreading their smell that reached even Syndra, not quite close yet. She was eager to be home, and urged her spheres to go faster. She aimed for the side of the fortress her gardens were on, touching down outside the garden walls, breathing a sigh of happy relief.

The inside of the garden was home to tall plants that draped their vines from one garden wall to another, shading the ground below. Flowers hung everywhere, dripping from the walls, hanging on other plants, growing from dozens of pots on the ground. Their thick fragrance wafted through the air, creating an interesting melody of scent. It was Syndra's favorite place to be; it was quiet and shady, always breezy and warm. She could sit here for hours, did every day in fact, just to meditate and think. It helped her focus.

She picked her favorite sapling to sit beneath, it's fan-like leaves spreading above her, freesias growing by her legs. She set her headdress aside, allowing what little sunlight there was to warm her cheeks. She closed her eyes, breathed in slowly, then exhaled…

She sat there quietly until the sun on her face disappeared, and the night ushered in colder air. She clipped a few of the roses (red for today) on her way out.

The fortress was dark and quiet, the only sound being flower petals rustling in the wind. It was soothing, edging her towards sleep. She increased her pace across the darkened courtyard, eager to finally get to her room.

Syndra's room, like everything else about her, was simple but grand. The bed was big enough for several people, but decorated simply in a soft blanket, covered in a few large pillows that Syndra loved to sink in to after long days. She had a divan next to the doors of her balcony, also littered with the pillows Syndra favored so much. She placed the flowers in a crystal vase on a stand by her bed, pausing to inhale the faint fragrance before returning it to its spot. She hung her headdress on its designated spot on the wall, then dressed for bed. She opened the balcony doors to let in the light breeze that brushed against her skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps, and then climbed into bed.

She nestled against all the pillows around her, pressing into the fluff and comfort. She sighed happily, enjoying the warmth and the bliss that going to bed after a long, rather unpleasant day rewarded. She waited until her eyelids struggled to stay open and her libs felt heavy, before finally and happily giving way to sleep.

* * *

Eradicating the kinkou had not been as simple as Zed thought.

They were stubborn; his scouts had been finding small bands of renegades all day.

They refused to die.

He sat on his newly acquired throne, assessing the room he'd won with blood and death. It was too ornate, too many useless pieces of art crowding the walls. It'd have to go, all of it.

One of his scouts entering redirected his attention. The ninja stopped a respectful distance away from him, bowing low and waiting.

Zed inclined his head. The man cleared his throat.

"We've tracked down the rest of the kinkou… But Shen and a few others escaped. We cannot find them. "

Zed's fingers twitched, constricting around the arm rests of his chair. Shen was still alive? He'd thought that after the slaughter, the slaughter that began with his father's death, Shen would no longer be around to pain him.

But.

Although the incompetence of his students was… aggravating, to say the least, Zed was intrigued at the opportunity presented to him. Shen, alive. He could hunt the annoyance down and once and for all assert his superiority over him. He could finally best him…

Zed vaguely felt his shadow creep up behind him, latching on to the chair and the malicious thoughts swirling through his mind.

Yes, Zed rather liked the idea of Shen on the run. It'd be a challenge to find him, and Zed liked challenges. Although the student couldn't see Zed's face, he could see the shadow's eyes, which must have changed with Zed's mood. The man shifted uncomfortably.

Zed waved a hand, dismissing him, and he wasted no time in exiting the room.

"We will find him. And he will die."

The shadow laughed, crawling up the walls to the shadows in the corners and disappearing.

It was a while before anyone else came to see Zed; the new arrival waited before him. Zed gestured at the walls.

"All the superfluous decorations; gone before I return tomorrow. That goes for everywhere."

The ninja nodded, and Zed finally decided that he could leave the room. He walked outside the temple and into the night. It was warm and breezy, the kind of night Zed usually favored. He used to spend them outside, alone, meditating after he was done with his students for the day. He wondered how he'd spend them now. But he was tired, too tired to think about that or appreciate the weather. He needed to find somewhere to sleep.

He was at a loss, for a moment. He wanted somewhere isolated and private. Naturally, the master's old rooms seemed appropriate. They were separated from the main structure, spacious, and simple enough that Zed wouldn't have to tear out all the old decorations. He found the small temple, hidden away in the dark behind drooping trees and covered in leafy vines that masked the building's exterior. He opened the door, entering the inky interior. It smelled of incense and wood, a homey smell. It took a moment for him to locate one of the torches on the wall, using it to find his way to the main bedroom.

The room was bare except for the large bed dominating the center of the room; there was a bathroom connected, but Zed ignored it. He put the torch back on a hook on the wall, blew it out, and collapsed onto the bed. He sighed as his sore muscles relaxed, sinking into the thin blankets. He allowed himself a couple seconds to lie completely still. He didn't realize before how much everything hurt; his arms, his legs, his _head. _

He tore off the mask and let it fall to the floor, fingers gingerly probing the raw wound that stretched across his face.

He flinched.

It stung badly, the skin around the initial cut throbbing. He tried his best to ignore it as he closed his eyes, focusing on deep breaths. But even is his body could relax, his mind was racing. He could feel the shadow that was not there this morning, lurking in the corners of his mind. It whispered disgusting, horrific things, quiet enough that Zed could still feel himself edging towards sleep, but loud enough so that for the first time in his entire life, nightmares haunted his dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

Karma never had emergencies. She was too peaceful and collected to panic.

So why did she want to meet with Syndra again so soon? She'd just met with her yesterday; Syndra could only stomach being with her for so long. But Karma had sounded… Unwell. Or at least her note had. So she stared petulantly at herself in the mirror while she dressed for the day, but agreed to meet with her anyway.

Syndra was unhappy about being inconvenienced, so she made sure the orbs around her were bright and lively when she was welcomed inside Karma's home. Although she pursed her lips at the sight, Karma wisely remained silent.

Syndra sat down politely and crossed her legs, folded her hands on the table top. Waited.

Karma spread her hands and exhaled loudly.

"The kinkou are gone."

Syndra was confused. "Gone? What do you mean?"

Karma screwed her mouth up.

"There was a coup, by someone who used to be a part of the kinkou. He slaughtered them all. He's there now, at the old temples with his new order."

Syndra considered. The idea that one man could rally together a skilled enough group of people to uproot the famous kinkou order, in one day no less, was shocking. Karma could guess easily enough what she was thinking.

"I don't know who it is, exactly. There was… No one from the kinkou to contact. But he's a shadow master, more skilled than any other we've ever known. "

Syndra's spine tingled. _Shadows_. How interesting. She'd never had a affluence for shadows herself, but they'd always fascinated her. He must have been very well versed in the art, to be able to roust the kinkou by himself.

As nice as exciting news about strange men and spooky dark arts was, Syndra still didn't want to waste her day with Karma. She smiled widely, pushing her chair back slightly.

"Was that all?"

Karma eyed her with very familiar disappointment, but waved her hand in dismissal anyway. Syndra practically bounced from the room, trying to forget the wasted time she had to spend with Karma and focusing on returning home. The sun was shining, the breeze was light, everything felt… right.

Her gardens felt especially comfortable to her today; did the flowers smell sweeter? She tried to ignore the smell, and concentrate on her meditation. She succeeded… for a little while. But the thought of this master of shadows intrigued her more than she anticipated. It must have taken great strength to accomplish what he did, and in so little time. How did he manipulate the shadows so well? What was he doing now, now that he had the order to himself?

She had to know.

She'd never concerned herself with the kinkou or the affairs of the people living beneath her before, but she was so rarely intrigued like she was now. She wanted to know more, and there was no one to deny her what she wanted.

The shadows shifting across her legs caught her attention; she decided that this shadow master would still be where he was tomorrow… She didn't mind waiting just one more day.

For the second night in a row, Syndra slept blissfully content.

* * *

Zed was exhausted.

The shadow induced nightmares had kept him tossing and turning all night. He considered staying in, but he needed to establish the order, he needed to make sure that everyone was back to training, he need to make sure everything was okay, he needed…

He needed to sleep.

There was slight consolation in leaving his bed that morning; his students had kept the order running nicely during the night, and he found them in the midst of their usual training. It was a relief, to say the least. It made the pounding in his head hurt slightly less, made the tightness around his eyes slightly less noticeable.

Zed decided he would resume leading the training tomorrow; he needed the time today to meditate alone. If there was one thing he remembered liking about being with the kinkou, it was all the hidden places in the forest where you could meditate in complete privacy. He walked beneath the dark canopy until he found a spot that was far away from the order, shrouded in shadow and quiet as death.

He sat down amidst the grass and fallen leaves, removing his mask and closing his eyes. The breeze danced around the torn skin of his face, making it itch. He tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling and focus on his breathing. He matched it to the breezes that rustled the trees around him, using the rhythm to ease his mind and relax his muscles. He swayed in his spot, falling slightly backwards until his back hit the tree behind him. He tried to correct his posture but he was tired, so tired, everything was heavy and he just wanted to sleep. He slumped against the tree trunk, happily surrendering himself to shallow slumber.

It was several hours before Zed finally jerked awake. The sun was significantly farther behind the trees than before he fell asleep, and the breeze that had soothed him before was sharp against his skin. He leaned forward, ignoring the pain of stiff muscles and the pounding in his head that still hadn't gone away. He dragged his body off the forest floor, stumbling for a moment before trying to find his way out the way he came. The order was quiet when he arrived, the training completed for the day. Zed frowned. He'd been away in the forest for a lot longer than he'd thought. He considered finding one of his advisors, but decided against it. He didn't want to answer any questions about where he'd been, and for the moment, he didn't care about how the order was doing. He just wanted to be alone to think and sleep.

And eat.

His stomach clenching painfully, accentuating his last thought uncomfortably. He stopped by the kitchens on his way to his room, grabbing what little leftover food there was from dinner.

The torches outside his temple were lit, making it easier to traverse the forest around it. He took one inside, lighting every torch on the wall from the door to his bed. The shadows in the corners of his room flared almost angrily. He tried his best to ignore them.

He entered the connecting bathroom, stripping the clothes he'd fallen asleep in while in the forest. He turned on the shower, letting the hot water stream down his body and ease his aching muscles. He sighed into the empty room, relaxing. He'd never felt better than he did right at that moment.

It was only very reluctantly that he left the shower, dressing for bed. He fell on to the sheets much like he had the night before, exhausted and in pain. He touched the cut on his face lightly again, willing himself not to flinch this time. He decided that it didn't hurt nearly as bad as the night before.

He waited until his eyes were too heavy to keep open and the thought of moving made him cringe to give way to sleep, realizing too late that he hadn't blown out any of the torches.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: It's canon for me that Syndra doesn't especially hate everyone in Ionia, only the mentor that was restraining her. She definitely doesn't like Karma or any of the other elders, but she likes living in Ionia and she likes that everyone kind of leaves her alone, so she meets with Karma every so often to kind of discuss boundaries, and like in that SyndraxZed comic that everyone should definitely read, Karma kind of pities Syndra and wants to see if she can get her to be kind of a better person (for lack of a better word). _**

**_I think the appropriate level of corniness was reached with the new name ^-^_**

* * *

Syndra had never been to the kinkou's temples before, but she quickly decided she quite liked them.

They were dark and quiet like her own fortress, covered in the greenery she loved. She touched down lightly in front of the largest temple in the complex, surrounded by shedding cherry trees and a stunning lack of people. The kinkou were gone, but where were the usurpers? Where was the man in charge? She'd have thought trespassing might have brought on a stronger reaction. She was surprised.

Setting her doubts aside, she walked uninvited into the temple, bringing her spheres closer to her. The room inside was empty; empty of people, empty of decorations. The walls were bare, and the only furniture in the room was a throne at the far end, which reminded Syndra of her own back home. Simple, but elegant. She ran her fingers over one of the arm rests, savoring the feeling of the smooth wood. She slumped into the chair, suddenly bored. She came all this way, and no one was even here.

She sighed, leaning her head against the palm of her hand, the stance she usually adopted when she had to sit with Karma. She pinched the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

She really did not like wasting her time.

She opened her eyes with a sigh, gaze focusing on the ceiling. She watched for a while as the shadows cast by the sun wavered across the smooth surface, moving in tandem. They were mesmerizing, but unsettling too… She leaned forward in the chair, narrowing her eyes.

The shadows stopped moving.

Syndra's eyes widened, and the sound of someone clearing their throat made her jerk in her seat. Her eyes flicked to the doorway that had been previously unoccupied; a rather imposing figure now took up the space, leaning against the wall. She straightened up quickly in the chair, trying to ignore the fact that someone had caught her by surprise.

"Syndra."

Even though the voice was deep and pleasant, it made Syndra's mouth twitch with unease.

"And you are?"

The man laughed, low and quiet, making Syndra's skin tingle. He pushed away from the doorframe, no longer silhouetted by the sun and more clearly entering Syndra's line of sight. He was tall, nearly a foot taller than she was, and broad too. She catalogued wide shoulders, muscled arms, and…

A mask.

A silver mask that allowed the very unnatural light of bright red eyes to shine through, that covered every inch of his face. The man was dark and imposing and Syndra was very, very interested now.

He approached her (well, _his_) chair and held a hand out to her. She placed her fingers into a gloved palm, allowing him to lift her from her seat. Standing next to him was just slightly unnerving; he dwarfed her in every sense of the word, but she smiled up at him despite the slight unease. Her spheres grouped up behind her, much smaller than they had been a moment ago.

"My name is Zed, and I believe we have a lot to learn from each other."

She retracted her hand, but his words excited her. She wanted very badly to learn more about this Zed and the shadows she'd seen firsthand. She didn't think that it would be this easy to get what she wanted. Usually she had to work a little, but this…

Her grin widened.

"Indeed, we do."

* * *

Zed had a very low tolerance for trespassers. Maybe it was the fact that someone was invading his home the same week he'd acquired it that intrigued him enough to investigate the problem himself, or maybe it was the fact that it was just one person, all by themselves, but he was very, very glad he did.

He watched from a careful distance with one of his advisors as a young woman floated about the grounds, finally stopping and touching down outside the main temple. He vaguely noticed long hair and lots of skin, but was more focused on the three spheres of dark magic that kept up a persistent orbit around her. Even from his distance away, Zed knew she was powerful.

But how powerful?

It was almost surprising how much the question and the girl intrigued him. He shooed his advisor away, standing alone with his shadow. He tilted his head towards it, communicating an unspoken question.

_"Her name is Syndra, and you are correct. She is very formidable."_

The shadow melted away, following this Syndra into the temple. The name sounded familiar, but he couldn't be sure. But if the shadow said she was formidable, then she was. Zed smiled.

He trailed after Syndra and his shadow, into the temple. She was slowly analyzing the room, very lazily making her way across it. She was bored; because of what, he couldn't tell, but it didn't take her long to notice his shadow creeping along the ceiling.

Impressive.

Her face was emotionless, but he managed to elicit a shocked expression by startling her from her careful observation. He decided he wanted to keep this particular intruder, at least for a little while. He offered her his hand, promised to see her again, sent her on her way.

When Zed retired for the night, he realized for the first time since sleeping in this room, he didn't ache quite as bad as usual.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: THIS CHAPTER TAKES PLACE ABOUT A MONTH~ AFTER THEY MET, SO THEY'RE NOT COMPLETE STRANGERS TO EACH OTHER._**

"So this shadow is… Different."

Syndra couldn't see the shadow in question, but she assumed it wasn't very far from Zed himself. Zed nodded.

"I don't control it the way the student's control theirs. Mine is… more a part of me."

Zed's nearly healed scar itched, accentuating the statement. Syndra tapped her lip.

"Alright."

She tilted her head, appraising him. "You twitch every time I ask you about it."

Zed pushed away from the table they were seated at, turning for the exit. He waited at the doorway briefly, giving Syndra time to catch up. She unhappily left behind her nearly full cup of tea, mouth turned down in a frown.

She never finished tea when he was around.

"Maybe you should stop asking."

Syndra brushed passed him, out into the path that led towards where the order trained during the day.

"I wouldn't be able to learn much if I didn't ask questions."

Zed, like usual, remained quiet. He followed her closely to the training grounds, making sure she didn't stray off the path and into a different temple, as she was wont to do whenever she was here. She had a penchant for being where she wasn't supposed to, and Zed found he had to watch her carefully to keep her in line.

It was exhausting.

The students were meditating when they arrived at the training grounds, lined up in perfectly straight rows in the grass, not a single one of them moving so much as muscle. Zed's arrival hadn't disturbed them, and even Syndra managed to stay perfectly quiet, watching raptly. She typically didn't take an interest in the student's training, but she left Zed at the edge of the small lawn, walking quietly down the rows, observing the immobile students. She paused at the end of the last row, carefully studying the ninja at the end of the line. Her attention hasn't broken his, and he remained silent and still as ever. She looked him over once more, then gracefully sank to the ground beside him, perfectly copying his posture. Zed watched her chest rise and fall evenly, slowing until it matched that of the man beside her. Her hair fluttered across her face and her lips curled just slightly at the edges, but she was silent and still, her spheres shrinking away.

Zed hadn't pegged her for the strict meditation type, and her perfect composure surprised him. She opened one eye to stare at him, curling her finger and beckoning him over. Zed never meditated with his students, preferring the solitude of the forest to the relatively crowded training ground when he was trying to relax. Syndra waited a moment before shrugging a shoulder and returning to her breathing.

Zed crossed his arms, aware the only reason he didn't want to sit with her was because it was her idea.

Childish.

He moved through the rows, ignoring her self-satisfied smile when he took the spot next to her. Sitting with her, the students; it was strange, to be sure. But peaceful. His shadow, usually so loud and pervasive when Zed needed quiet, stayed far away for the duration of the exercise, a rare relief. Despite his initial reluctance, Zed enjoyed himself. He could sit there for days, but was reminded just mere hours later by one of Syndra's spheres brushing his arm that he had to leave eventually.

She elbowed his arm, then used his shoulder to push herself upwards.

"You still owe me tea."

He rolled his eyes, trailing after her. She started to follow the pathway back to the kitchens, but Zed gently grabbed her arm, shaking his head. The students would be in there after meditation and he wasn't quite in the mood to join them, dragging Syndra along. He brought her back to his apartment, where the door was already open to the sitting area. She followed him inside, a bit hesitantly at first, but moving passed him to sit in the bigger of the two chairs in the room. She arranged the single pillow while Zed busied himself with the tea. The late day sunlight streaming through the windows allowed her to the study the room. It was plain, even more so than the rest of the order, with just the two chairs and a small tea table. True to Zed's tastes, every wall was completely bare. There was one closed door in the room, which Syndra guessed is where he slept. The temple was small and very out of the way, so it made sense that it was Zed's alone.

He pushed a steaming cup to her across the table, sitting in the remaining chair.

Cup, singular.

She brought it to her lips, frowning at him over the brim. She took a small sip, and cradled the cup in her hands, blowing across the top. Zed watched her silently, until she smiled at him.

"It's very good."

Green tea _was_ her favorite. His only answer was to incline his head. She gestured at the walls with her cup.

"It's plain, but quaint, I suppose. I like it."

Zed laughed quietly.

"I like it, too."

They both remained quiet after that. Syndra took small sips from her cup occasionally, while she assumed Zed watched. With the mask, it wasn't always easy to tell. She downed the last of the tea, placing the cup back on the table before asking.

"Why do you wear the mask?"

Instant regret.

He tensed, then left the chair, going to stand by the doorway. He swept a hand out the door.

"It's late, and you should be going."

She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head, silencing her. She slunk to the door, slightly embarrassed at how bad a simple question had turned the night. He slammed the door rather forcefully as soon as she was outside of it, enough to make her cringe just slightly.

She sighed, walking dejectedly away from the temple and beginning the trek back home.

She _would _ask the one question that apparently offended him. She sighed unhappily.

Back at home, even curled up under warm sheets and fluffy pillows, the question nagged her. Why would something so simple bother him so much? It was just a mask, for crying out loud. She frowned into her pillows, because now that he'd denied her an answer, she of course had to know.

She _had_ to.

But she knew that it wouldn't be easy to get it from him, and patience was not one of her best attributes.

Unsurprisingly, she did not sleep well that night, and the next day wasn't any better. She was tired from her lackluster night of sleep, and she wasn't especially in the mood to go all the way to the order, but now she felt like she had to.

She went straight to the same temple as she always did, only this time it wasn't Zed waiting for her, but another ninja. She stopped in the doorway, confused. He spoke before she could.

"Zed sends his regards, but regrets to inform you that he will be unable to meet with you today."

He bowed respectfully, and squeezed passed her on his way out of the room. Her spheres drooped, orbiting the space around her legs as she watched the man walk down the path and away from the temple.

"_Now_ look at what you did." She muttered to herself, leaving the temple and heading back home, exponentially more frustrated than she was that morning.

Today was not a good day.

* * *

She would come to realize that the following weeks would be no easier. Every day she would return to the order, and every day she got the same message from the same man, and every day she returned home more frustrated than ever. She was starting to lose even more sleep over it, and when that happened, Syndra was more than frustrated, she was unhappy.

She was unhappy, and being unhappy did not suit her.

After three weeks of the same trip and the same results, Syndra stopped going to the order altogether and started moping around her fortress, until she mentally kicked herself for wasting her time doing nothing.

She returned to her usual routine of meditating in the garden, watching the sunrise in the morning and talking to the moon at night. Everything was returning to normal.

So, naturally, that was when Zed picked to return.

It was very late, later than she ever really cared to stay up, but she felt restless this night. She walked down to the garden, sat beneath her favorite tree. She tilted her face to the moon, staring at it through the leaves, enjoying the dim light that filtered through.

She closed her eyes, willing the moon to make her tired.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Syndra jerked in surprise, gasping slightly. She whipped around to the garden entry, the look of surprise on her face morphing into one of distaste. Doing her best to ignore her beating heart, she scowled at the intruder.

"Yes, I should."

She left her spot and strode passed him, the thin gown she wore to bed snapping in her wake. She ignored the laughter that trailed behind her, keeping her head carefully forward until she was safely in bed, settling underneath the blankets with a pout. A pout that she stubbornly refused to let turn into a smile, despite the insistent tugging she felt at the corners of her lips.

That damn ninja.


	5. Chapter 5

Zed liked being at the celestial fortress. He_ especially_ loved being there before Syndra invited him.

It was hardly passed the time she usually woke up in the morning, the sun just barely above the horizon. The fortress was deathly quiet at this time of day; not even Zed's shadow cared to make an appearance, a rare occurrence he was very grateful of.

He admired his surroundings as he walked through one of the courtyards, steps echoing off the walls. This was a part of the fortress he'd never been to before, even despite his frequent forays, and everything interested him. Zed passed by a few small rooms, doors all closed, before coming to one temple slightly larger than the rest, whose walls were crushed and broken, ceiling caved into a heap of rubble. The debris was covered in crawling vines and small white flowers that twisted intricately between the smashed stones, suggesting that it had been a long, long time since it was destroyed. He wondered why she'd picked this particular room to ruin, and why she left the mess behind. He was still brooding when Syndra found him, stopping about halfway through the courtyard.

"I spend most of my time on the _other_ side of the fortress."

Her tone was mocking, but when he turned around he could tell from the way she crossed her arms against her chest and the flat way her smile was pasted on her face, she was uncomfortable.

He left the ruin behind, joining her in the courtyard and following her to the gardens he knew she was headed for, where they usually spent their days together. She visibly relaxed the more they walked, bouncing her spheres around and sending them off in different directions, watching them with wide eyes.

"I love to watch them fly."

She said by way of explanation, balancing one in her right hand. She was grinning, and laughed loudly when one of the careening orbs nearly collided with Zed. He'd never seen her so unreserved before. He noticed the spheres were bright and larger than usual, adopting her mood.

If it was possible, Syndra was even happier in the gardens. She took a seat beneath the largest tree in the room, whose leaves spread from wall to wall, shrouding her and her flowers in shade, and sighed happily. The three spheres around her coagulated into one, which she placed carefully in her lap. She waved a hand in front of her.

"Sit."

Zed complied, studying her face carefully before speaking.

"You seem different."

She smiled. "Just happy."

He couldn't help it; he smiled at her very unusual attitude, even though she couldn't see it. He motioned to the magic in her lap.

"Do they always mimic your mood?"

Syndra considered.

"Yes, I suppose."

He watched the now stationary sphere, wondering not for the first time how the magic worked.

"To what extent do you control them? They always seem rather free to me."

This was a harder question for Syndra to explain.

"Because _I_ am free. I'd compare them to your shadow, for reference. The magic is me, embodied as spheres when I was very young. The more control I have over myself, the more control I have over them. But magic is… wild. It's not always easy to control it, to be able to restrain myself. So they do not always perfectly imitate me. And it's nice to let go sometimes, if very slightly."

She waved a hand, conjuring another sphere in the air between them. She inched closer to Zed, grabbed his hand, and placed the new sphere in his palm. He could feel it humming, almost; it shivered slightly as if all it wanted to do was jet away, like they had been before, but it stayed where Syndra put it.

"I could crush cities. I could level forests. If I give myself fully to the magic, forego my training, I could destroy Ionia. But I restrain."

She spoke with such conviction that Zed was finding it hard to doubt her.

"Because I would not have control over myself. And I will never let anything, or _anyone_ else control me."

She looked like she wanted to say more, but she pursed her lips, mood drastically decreased from before. The sphere in Zed's palm disappeared, and he dropped his hand to his side. He switched topics, deciding he preferred her smile to her frown. He gestured to her headdress.

"And the mantle… I've always wondered."

She switched gears again, grinning.

"It's a symbol of power, like the Mantle of Decorum is for the Ionian elders. But they hide their power behind themselves. I display it proudly."

The sphere on her lap broke into three once more, flying around her and enforcing the statement.

"What do you do here, when you're not in the gardens?"

Her smile wavered. "I meditate, mostly. Balance is something I will always have to work for, and I learn more about my power the more time I spend focusing on it."

She pouted.

"I meet with some of the Ionian elders too, occasionally. "

This was the last thing he expected to hear from her.

"The elders?"

She sighed. "The elders are afraid of me, and rightly so. I thought it was wise to… assure them. Because although I _could_ destroy Ionia, I really rather like it here. Meeting with one elder every once in a while is a small price to pay for solitude."

Zed was intrigued. Personally, he would have never taken the elder's fears and concerns into consideration, but he didn't have the same connection to Ionia that Syndra did. He was an orphan; he had known nothing but the Kinkou and later, his order. Syndra had been born in Ionia with people she knew and loved, before ending up here. Looking at her now, dark and powerful, it was easy to forget her upbringing. It surprised him to realize that Syndra was right, and it was smart to assure her safety.

He realized he'd been staring at her for slightly longer than was polite when she shifted uncomfortably.

"I _also_ watch the sunsets. It's more beautiful here than anywhere in Ionia."

She rose from the floor, holding out a hand to Zed.

"And I'll prove it."

He accepted the small hand, trying to put as little of his weight as possible on it when he dragged himself off the floor. She tugged on his fingers, pulling him towards a smaller, two stories building right on the other side of the garden walls, with vines crawling over nearly every inch of the stone. She released his hand, opening the door and heading straight for the stairs at the back of the room, leaving Zed in the foyer alone. The room was darkening with the decreasing daylight, but Zed noticed lots of flowers in vases, a very small kitchen, and an absurd number of large pillows around a low tea table. The aroma of the flowers was thick but perfectly balanced, and he paused at the bottom of the stairs to inhale briefly.

Syndra poked her head back around the wall. "Hurry up!"

She disappeared again, prompting Zed to increase his pace up the stairs. The room at the top of the stairs was more open, with nothing but a large bed and a divan, both covered in the massive pillows. Syndra was outside a pair of balcony doors, leaning against the railing of the balcony excitedly. She dropped to the floor, sticking her legs through the rails so that they dangled in the air, and patted the space next to her. Zed complied, but elected to keep his legs away from the railings. He followed her gaze outwards, and had to admit the view was impressive. From atop the fortress, you could see for miles across the Ionian forest, an unbroken sea of swaying green. They were silent while the sun fell behind the trees, Syndra raptly watching the sky and Zed raptly watching Syndra. Her spheres were gone again, the way they usually were when she was very sad… Or very entranced. He was supposed to be watching the sunset, but found it rather difficult to shift his attention from her. It was rare that she let down her guard so much around him, and he wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to observe this happier, freer Syndra before her mood shifted again.

He watched her watch the sun until it was gone, dipping behind the horizon. Syndra waited a couple minutes after the sun disappeared before finally turning to Zed. She had her signature smug smile playing across her lips.

"Best spot in Ionia." She practically crowed. He was inclined to agree, but didn't want to give in right away.

"But you haven't seen the sunsets from the order yet."

Her smile widened. Not quite the reaction he had anticipated.

"I'll take that as an invitation."

"You _know_ that's not what I me-"

She elbowed his ribs, and then left him at the railing.

"It's too late now. And it's also time for me to go to sleep."

She was standing at the balcony doors, gesturing for him to leave. She left the spot to plop on the bed, hair spilling against the pillows.

He was just about out the door when she called after him.

"The sunrises are better, so I'll see you tomorrow morning. And _that's _an invitation."

He made the mistake of turning back to her before he left the room. She had her hands behind her head, feet propped up on a pillow, that infuriating smile across her lips again. He figured – correctly- that it would be pointless to argue. He sighed.

"Tomorrow, then."


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: s/10362827/2/League-Short-Stories_**

**_That's the short I wrote about Zed's past. Sorry for the self-promotion, but everything I write about Zed in this chapter goes off of what I wrote in that short, and I wanted to provide context. (Context for future chapters as well.)_**

**_I'd like to say a special thanks to Tahimikamaxtli and Ronald del Reagan for reviewing, because I wasn't feeling very happy about the quality of the chapters I've been putting up and it really helped to read those reviews. Hopefully, I can keep up the short update schedule._**

**_Anyways, thank you again and enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra was restless today, and when she was restless, Zed was nervous. She was sprawled on the divan in her room, feet dangling off the edge and twirling her long hair with her fingers. Her face was scrunched up, deep in thought, while she tried to think of an appropriate response to the question he'd asked to keep her busy.

What was so special about balance, anyway?

It was hard for her to put into words the feeling that having absolute control over herself gave her, but still she tried.

"If I can control myself, I can do anything. But you need to be balanced to have control. I want many things, and to get what I want, takes work."

It didn't quite measure up to what she had in her head, but it would have to suffice. Zed considered, but not for too long.

"Balance is limitation. It is weakness."

Syndra moved her head over to stare at him at his spot on the floor and rolled her eyes.

"I can't afford to lose control. It would be catastrophic."

She threw her hands in the air to accentuate the hypothetical disaster, earning a smirk from Zed that she couldn't see. He chuckled quietly for her benefit. Syndra rolled over on her stomach, propping her head up on her elbows. She stared at Zed, long enough that it was starting to make him uncomfortable. He was just about the shift away from her gaze when she spoke.

"I explained why I wear the mantle. Your turn."

He tilted his head to the side.

"Everyone in the order wears black. It's not just me."

Again, she rolled her eyes. She knew if she kept asking, she'd be approaching that spot with Zed again, the invisible line she could feel that kept her away from carefully guarded secrets. The last time she'd probed too far, he had shut her out for weeks. But she didn't deal with not getting her way very well, and there was still the question that burned her when she was alone and had the time to think about it, and wouldn't leave her thoughts when she was with him. So, she tried again.

"Why do you wear the mask?"

He reacted the same way he did the first time she asked; his posture stiffened, his hands tightened into fists, and when he answered her any mirth in his tone had previously contained was replaced by chilly disapproval.

"Syndra."

He made her name a warning. They both knew she'd gone far passed the invisible line again, but this time she decided she didn't really care. He shifted away from the wall, preparing to leave, but Syndra's hand shot out to press against his shoulder. She clearly couldn't keep him there with strength alone, but the surprise froze him. He shrunk back slightly from the hand, glancing as questioningly as he could at her. Fast, before she could change her mind, she dragged her legs from behind her and over the side of the divan, knocking over a few pillows in the process and moving to kneel in front of him. She was closer than she'd ever been to him before, knees touching and hair brushing their legs. She had him backed against the wall; short of pushing her out of the way, he was stuck. He briefly considered how upset she'd be if he moved her, but before he could seriously think of the consequences she reached out her other hand, placing the palm against the side of the mask, as if to caress his cheek.

Silence.

He knew he should push away the hand and leave before he let her go farther, but she'd succeeded in stunning him long enough that for a couple seconds, he couldn't move. And in those few precious seconds, Syndra moved the hand against the mask and hooked her fingers behind it, pausing to take the smallest of breaths.

Then she slowly, so slowly, took off the mask.

* * *

She'd gone too far. It was too far when she asked about the mask in the first place, beyond too far when she restrained him from leaving. Inconceivably too far when she touched the mask.

And then this.

Zed had been gone for hours and it was well into the night, but Syndra very obviously could not sleep. She was on her balcony, had been all night, legs between the railings and dangling in the air. She leaned back against her arms, appraising the moon she'd watched crawl across the sky.

She wished she was with Zed.

She couldn't stop thinking about him, about the mask, about the scar.

The scar.

She never would have guessed that's why he was so touchy about the mask, why he so carefully kept her from knowing what was beneath it. It seemed a little… vain, to her, sounding so very out of place when describing Zed. He had dozens of scars across what little of him she regularly saw; his arms and hands mostly. And although the scar stretched across his entire face, although it was new and raw, she never would have thought he was the type to care about what someone thought of his looks of all things.

Because he didn't.

It was too ridiculous a notion to entertain any further, but Syndra was out of ideas. She couldn't begin to guess where he'd gotten it from, but from the careful way he'd kept people from seeing it, she guessed it was very, very personal, and not just an accident at the order. A million possibilities crossed her mind, each one less feasible than the last.

This was getting her nowhere.

Her mind switched gears, from the scar to the rest of Zed's face. She smiled up at the moon, murmuring to the sky.

"He's rather attractive, don't you think?"

After removing the mask, she had a moment just to stare, which she was surprised a very uncomfortable Zed had let her do. She carefully reached out a hand like she had before, very slowly placing it against his cheek. They sat there in mutual silence, Syndra trying to memorize everything about the face she was seeing for the first time, Zed trying not to move. She moved her right thumb, slowly positioning it to trace the part of the scar that cut across the left corner of this mouth. His lips parted just slightly, breath tickling her fingertip. Syndra wanted very badly to lean closer, to explore everything about this new face that Zed had let her see, but she didn't want to push her luck, or push Zed farther than she had already. She pulled back her hand, leaned away from Zed and handed the mask back.

Absolute control.

He didn't say anything as he replaced the mask, just stood up and left. Although Syndra was sure it would be a while before she saw him again, judging by how far she'd gone, she was too happy to care. She smiled up at the moon again.

"It was worth it."

* * *

What was he doing?

He stood just inside the woods underneath Syndra's fortress. Still. The moon was high above him, had been for a while, but still he didn't move.

Zed was… unnerved.

Syndra was bolder than he gave her credit for, and he'd definitely let his guard down. He'd been so careful about the mask around her, and still she managed to undo all his work in a matter of seconds. Not for the first time he wondered why he tried to hide it from her at all. Syndra wasn't the squeamish type, clearly, so the scar itself was not the problem. Zed considered. It was mostly… the weakness he associated with it. That day he received it, the day he took the order… he'd been weak. He let the shadows corrupt him and take over his life, and he wore a permanent reminder of their momentary control over him. It would be… uncomfortable for him to explain to Syndra how he'd gotten it.

But she never asked how, did she?

Syndra always asked _why_…

Whether she knew it was too personal an inquisition or she just didn't think to phrase the question differently, the fact remained the same. Zed had let his own insecurity blind him, because if he was being truthful, he knew the scar and the story behind it wouldn't drive Syndra away, and it wouldn't make him weak. Because he _had_ taken the Kinkou, he _had_ mastered the shadows that maimed his face. Zed was at no one's mercy and never would be again.

And he couldn't punish Syndra for being curious and pushing him, because he expected no less from her. How could he? He had sought her out the first day she came to the order as an equal, as someone powerful to learn from. His own shadow had said it; she was formidable.

It was time he treated her that way.

* * *

Despite the lack of sleep, Syndra rose early the next morning like she always did to catch the sunrise. She left the comfort of her bed, focusing bleary eyes on the doors to her balcony. The _open_ doors.

To say she was surprised is an understatement.

Wide awake now, she padded to the balcony doors, opening them and letting in the slight chill of the morning. Her usual spot was occupied, but she sat as close to it as she could, close enough that her fingers brushed against the hand Zed had on the floor. He didn't acknowledge her, eyes kept carefully focused on the still darkened horizon. She waited a second before pointing out the obvious.

"No mask?"

He pursed his lips, remaining silent, so she tried again.

"I didn't expect to see you back so soon."

This time he smiled, if just very slightly.

"I wanted to watch the sunrise."

She didn't know what to say after that, just waited until slowly the sky began to lighten, and the sun peaked more and more over the horizon. Syndra was captivated like she always was. She watched the same sunrise from the same spot every day, but it never failed to amaze her. And today, she supposed, was special in its own way. She studied Zed from the corner of her eyes, but his face was kept carefully blank. She must not have been as sneaky as she thought she was being, because he tilted his head in her direction, catching her gaze.

"You're staring."

She smiled widely. "You have something on your face."

He rolled his eyes, but before he could look away, Syndra carefully moved the hand that had been brushing his to his face, the same spot she had yesterday. Neither of them moved for what seemed like a very long time to Syndra, until the sunrise was long over. But after a while her hand was tired of the position it was in and she knew she had somewhere to be.

"I'm meeting with Karma today."

Zed wasn't familiar with the name, but assumed it was one of the elders she met with. He carefully removed the hand she had pressed against his cheek, and then stood up. On the way he leaned close to her face, whispering in her ear.

"I'll see you later, then."

His breath brushed her ear and she shivered just slightly, but he was gone and as hard as she wanted to hold onto the moment, the thought of having to sit with Karma for gods knew how long really dampened her previous elation. She sighed, frowning in frustration at the sun.

"I have a problem."


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: Thank you Joe5, Ronald Del Reagan, and Jonathon for the reviews, it really made my day reading them :] _**

**_Ulcassi- My boyfriend is in the marines, so I somewhat feel your pain. Thank you for taking the time to read still 3_**

**_Aphrodisiac, hm…_**

* * *

"If you're tired, maybe you should go back to your-"

"Your voice is irritating me."

Syndra glared at Zed with bleary eyes from beneath the hand she was using to shade her face from the already dim light in his sitting room. She made an effort to move the hand to retrieve the steaming cup of tea that was still on the table between them, but the light exacerbated the pain in her head, so she put the hand back where it was. She closed her eyes, snuggling closer to the very lackluster pillow that was all Zed had to offer.

Zed watched her cringe deeper into the cushion, sighing very quietly.

"You're sick."

She moved one hand to wave a rude gesture at him, but was otherwise still.

"I do not get _sick. _You're talking too loud, and the lights are too bright."

Zed left his chair to blow out half the remaining torches in the room, of which there were few. Syndra had made him get rid of most of them when she showed up earlier, and there weren't many to begin with. He took his seat in the dark, waiting a few more minutes to speak.

"I have order training today."

Silence.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather be home?"

She shifted just slightly, but kept the pillow covering her face.

"I want to finish my tea."

Zed sighed again, the exasperation wearing him thin. He didn't have time to argue with her, and the pitiful way she was acting was starting to make him feel bad for her, if just slightly. He stood up to leave, pausing by her chair on the way out. He awkwardly placed what he hoped was a comforting hand on her hair, trying to even his tone before he spoke.

"I'll be back late."

He waited a moment for a response, and on receiving none, left the room, closing the door gently behind him.

* * *

Syndra was not accustomed to pain.

Physical, anyway. She couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten sick in her life. She moaned miserably into the soft fabric of the pillow she was hiding her face in. She complained to Zed heavily about the light, because it _was_ bothering her, but even the complete darkness didn't abate the throbbing in her head. She tried again for the tea, but it didn't taste as good as it usually did and it burned her tongue.

Today was not a good day.

She'd woken up feeling miserable, and for some reason decided she'd rather be miserable with Zed. But of course, _of course_, he had important ninja things to do today, and as soon as she'd arrived at the order he needed to leave. But Syndra didn't want to make the entire trip back to an empty fortress, and besides, Zed's little apartment was warm and dark and comfortable. And if she was being honest, she didn't want to be alone. At least being at the order meant she was somewhere near Zed. At the fortress, it would've just been her and her misery.

So she stayed.

She sat in the chair until her back ached from her hunched over position and the pillow was pressing uncomfortably into her cheek. She opened her eyes, peering at a room that was darker than she remembered. She needed somewhere more comfortable to sit, or sleep, but Zed's chair was even smaller than the one she was in right now, and she definitely wasn't going to drag the pillows onto the floor. Her gaze flitted over to the other door in the room that was always shut.

Bingo.

She clutched the pillow to her chest, shakily making her way to the door. She pushed it open, into a room even darker than the one she was leaving. The dim light filtered through the doorway, falling onto just a large bed and a small night stand. Although it lacked the enormous pillows and thick comforters of her own bed, it looked very inviting. She closed the door behind her and then put the pillow onto the bed, collapsing after it. She sunk into the mattress, pulling the thin sheets around her. Not ideal, but it beat the chair. She sighed. As comfortable as she was, she knew she couldn't stay. She'd have to leave before Zed got back, so he'd stop bothering her about nothing and so she could sleep in her own bed, where it was fluffier and warmer…

She closed her eyes, letting the darkness and comfort ease the ache in her head. Just a moment more…

* * *

Zed was very, very tired. He'd been neglecting his students lately, in favor of spending time questioning Syndra, so he tried to make up for it with more frequent and challenging practices.

He'd been trying, but not quite successfully.

He'd run tonight's training a lot longer than usual, something he rather missed. But now, all he wanted to do was go back to him room, maybe make tea, and go to sleep.

The room was just like he left it, minus Syndra. With the way she was acting before, he wasn't surprised that she went back home. He poured out the full cup of tea she left behind in the small kitchen sink, and paused before blowing out the remaining torches, eyeing the chairs. The one he'd left Syndra in was missing the small pillow that he usually had on it.

She took a pillow?

Zed rubbed his eyes, proceeding to blow out the last torch. He decided to skip the tea and just go to bed, heading straight for the room. He aimed for the bathroom, hoping a shower would ease the soreness he could feel coming on in his muscles. He relaxed happily into the warm water, feeling immensely better than before. He didn't like not being used to training with his students, and he'd have to make sure he set aside more time for it.

He left the shower a little unhappily, dressing for bed and rubbing a towel through his hair. He opened the door, abandoning the towel on the bathroom floor, and headed straight for the bed.

Which was… Occupied.

There was a sizeable lump underneath the sheets, and an awful lot of silver hair spread across the pillows. The missing pillow from the chair was on the other side of the bed, Syndra's hand still clutching the corner. Zed pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.

He _really_ could not catch a break today.

He approached the side of the bed Syndra was on, making no extra effort to be quiet. He nudged one exposed shoulder gently.

"Syndra. Wake up."

She mumbled very slightly, but didn't answer him. He tried shaking her shoulder a little more forcefully this time.

"You have to go home."

She groaned. "I don't want to move."

The pain behind Zed's eyes deepened, but he tried to keep his voice even.

"Syndra, I'm very tired, and you should be at home anyway."

She moved her hand to the one Zed still had on her shoulder, thin fingers threading through his.

"But I'm sick." She whispered miserably.

Zed's mouth screwed up unhappily, because _now_ he was starting to feel bad for her, and Syndra had a way of always getting what she wanted. She pulled the stolen pillow against her chest and curled in on herself, wiggling to the very edge of the bed. She released his hand, tucking her arm in close to herself and curling in even more.

"I moved."

Zed heaved a sigh and removed the hand he had on her shoulder. He moved to the opposite side of the bed, nearly collapsing on the sheets. Syndra was on the far side of the bed, as far from him as she could get, and the bed was big enough that she wasn't near to touching him. He was tired, way too tired to care, and arguing with Syndra wasn't likely to get him anywhere. He closed his eyes, willing the ache behind them to go away.

He'd deal with the ache on the other side of the bed in the morning.

* * *

Syndra felt when Zed woke up the next morning. She opened one eye just slightly, catching a slim glimpse of his bare back before he slipped through the door. She squeezed her eyes shut again, slightly embarrassed. She remembered the childish way she acted the night before, and wasn't in the mood to face Zed just yet, so she pulled the blankets tighter around her and waited until she thought he would be gone. She tried to be as quiet as possible, pressing an ear against the door separating the rooms. Silence. She detoured to the bathroom, kicking aside a towel on the floor and trying to straighten her clothes in the small mirror. She looked tired, with slight shadows underneath her eyes, but at least the migraine was gone. She gave herself another cursory glance before grabbing the pillow she'd taken from the sitting room, then backed out of the door. She turned around, meaning to throw the pillow back on the chair, but froze instead. Zed was sitting in the chair she was aiming for; he was turned towards the door she just came out of, a small cup in his hands.

"You look better."

He commented before moving the cup to his lips. His chest was _still_ bare, and Syndra had to remind herself to concentrate before answering.

"I never looked bad."

She took the chair that was usually Zed's, and handed him the pillow. He pushed another cup across the table to her, putting the pillow behind his back. She sipped the tea –her favorite, like always- before saying anything.

"Don't you have somewhere important to be?"

He laughed at her uncomfortable posture, finishing his tea and setting the cup down.

"Not today." He smiled. "You missed the sunrise this morning."

Syndra focused on the steam curling away from her cup, averting her gaze before answering.

"I missed a lot, it seems."

He didn't answer right away, waiting until most of Syndra's tea was gone.

"Well, you didn't miss meditation. Or did you want to go home and change first?"

Syndra smiled at the tea dregs and then looked up at Zed, her smirk infinitely wider than his. She put the cup back on the table, then walked out the door and towards the spot in the forest behind Zed's apartment that he liked to mediate in the most. She called back over her shoulder before she was out of earshot.

"I don't think _anyone_ needs to change."


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: Thank you to Redgrave and Kendallizer for the reviews! They always make my day and make writing that much more enjoyable for me. I'm insanely glad that the fic is being so well received. _**

**_This chapter is on the smaller side, since I'm trying to build up to something I've been planning. Hopefully I can keep the update schedule short._**

**_Anyways, thank you so much for reading/reviewing, and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra stared at the ruined building before her, analyzing every chipped stone and crawling vine that littered the ground. She typically avoided this part of the fortress, for her own piece of mind, but there was a time that she used to spend every day here, when the temple was full of people and still rooted to the ground. People she knew and loved.

People she murdered.

She could remember the panicked people scrambling around falling buildings and shifting stone, trying to escape. She knew they were scared and hurt and in trouble, but she was angry, the power that had been dulled for so long was racing through her veins again. She had given herself to the void inside her, letting it ruin her old life, kill her mentor, rip the very fortress she inhabited from the earth and lift it high into the air, away from everything she knew. And the power that had rushed back to her and given her life had drained it away just as quickly. She remembered being tired, so very tired, everything was heavy and dark and confused. Her body that had been denied her power for so long was spent and weak, unused to the heavy flow of magic. She fell into a magically induced coma - for how long, she wasn't sure- but when she woke up, everyone was gone.

Everyone was dead.

But the power was still there, swirling inside her, invigorating and strong. She was alone with the magic, alone with the guilt, but alone to learn and grow.

Syndra continued to stare with unfocused eyes at the smashed stone, anger slowly building inside her. It wasn't her _fault._ The mentor they left her with, he was sapping her strength, he was_ controlling_ her. He was supposed to be helping. Syndra's fingers flinched, and almost subconsciously she sent a sphere flying through the one remaining wall of the temple, gray stone shattering and flying through the air. The sharp sound snapped Syndra from her trance, and she flinched away from the broken shards. She realized she'd been holding her breath, chest heaving uncomfortably. The dust from the new wall floated slowly to the ground, settling in her hair on her clothes, choking her. She pulled the sphere back to her, walking away from the mess as fast as she could, wondering why she had stopped there in the first place. She headed straight to the gardens, seeking the solace of quiet leaves and fragrant air.

She collapsed against the garden walls, sliding beneath her favorite tree and trying to slow her breathing. It was a mistake to revisit the temple, to think about all the what if's and lives she'd claimed. She couldn't change the past and she couldn't bring them back, she couldn't go back, she couldn't…

She couldn't keep torturing herself.

She took a deep breath, letting the smell of freesias and roses relax the muscles she'd been tensing unconsciously. Whatever she'd done, whatever had happened in the past; it wasn't something she could change, and it wasn't something she should torment herself with now. She pulled her spheres around her, crossing her arms over them and placing her chin on top. She started at the sun through the leaves, waiting for the sky to darken and the sun to begin sinking beneath the trees. She waited until it was dark to finally move, heading to her room. She was distracted, trying to keep herself from thinking, at least for today. She just needed a good night's sleep to clear her mind.

She pushed open the door to her room, heading straight for the stairs. Her spheres dissipated into the air behind her, and she increased her pace, eager to fall into her pillows and comforters and go to sleep. She opened the door at the top of the stairs, practically flinging herself across the room and into bed, sinking into the familiar comfort and sighing contentedly. She was willing for sleep to take her, willing her eyelids to drag downwards, but the sound of her balcony doors opening snapped her eyes open, and she jerked upwards in bed. It took her a moment to identify the large shadow that was moving across the room, but she relaxed almost immediately. She forgot she was supposed to meet Zed here hours ago, and she was surprised he was still waiting.

"Syndra?"

He sounded confused, and she tried to smile up at him, but she was too tired to do more than lift the corners of her lips. He kneeled before the side of the bed she was on, lifting a stray strand of her hair and gesturing at her clothes.

"You're covered in dust. Did something happen?"

Syndra looked down at her shirt, realizing for the first time that she was filthy, leaving traces of the stones she'd crushed before in her hair and on her clothes, tracking it into her bed. She tried to dust off the top of her shirt, but the residue fluttered down to her blankets and just made the situation worse. She sighed, letting her hand fall back to the pillows.

"I think I broke something."

Zed was looking at her like he was concerned… or like she was crazy, she couldn't tell, but he didn't say anything right away. He released the piece of hair, brushing his hands off on his pants.

"Do you want to get changed? You're… spreading it."

He tried to make his tone light, but didn't quite succeed. It was very out of character for Syndra to be acting so quiet and subdued, and he was _slightly_ concerned. Syndra sighed again, falling backwards against the pillows.

"No. I'm too tired."

"I should leave, then."

Zed tried to stand, but Syndra grabbed his hand before he could, quite forcefully for how tired she made herself sound. She was staring at him from behind heavy lids, the small smile she'd forced on her face still insistently tugging at her lips.

"Stay. For a little bit, I mean."

She tugged at his hand gently, prompting him to lie down on the bed beside her, causing small flurries of dust to float upwards. He waved them away with his free hand, laughing quietly.

"You're a mess."

Syndra was too tired to argue, opting instead to release his hand and stretch widely.

"I _still_ look better than you."

She let one of her outstretched arms fall around Zed's waist, who elected not to move it or say anything since Syndra's eyes were shut all the way, her breathing deep and quiet. Her face was smooth now, but he remembered when she first walked in the door, how scared and _angry_ she looked. She was distracted, emotional, and apparently breaking things in her free time, very unlike her usual self.

Zed watched her sleep, smiling once when the arm she had left wrapped around him constricted. It wasn't long until he himself was starting to get tired, Syndra's even breathing lulling him to sleep. Despite how peaceful the moment was, it was hard for him to think of anything else while staring at her that he didn't know why she was upset before, or what had triggered her usually expertly controlled anger. He couldn't even begin to guess.

He fingered a lock of the silver hair that was brushing his chest, and looked again at the peaceful face he'd grown so fond of. He closed his eyes, leaving the hair between his fingers, settling into the pillows and trying not to move the arm still wrapped around him.

He didn't know Syndra, not the way he wanted to, but he decided he had the time to learn.


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N: Hurling rainbows is the best, clearly. I agree; the Atlantean Skin was okay, but I would sell my left hand for another Syndra skin. (Well maybe I would…)_**

**_Did someone say fluff?_**

* * *

"You seem even more distracted than usual."

Syndra moved her gaze away from the window, realizing the last sentence was directed at her.

"Hm?"

Karma looked at her with those disappointed eyes again, the corner of her mouth turning down. It was an expression that Syndra was very familiar with. She tapped the table with her finger nail, the staccato sound grating on Syndra's nerves.

"Is there something wrong?"

Syndra doubted very much that Karma genuinely cared, so she declined to answer. Karma sighed.

"I suppose we should finish up. I'll let you know if the rest of the council needs anything else, or if we receive any new information about the missing kinkou. Have you found out anything about this shadow master? He's making it difficult for us to search for our contacts."

Syndra shrugged, inspecting a fingernail and feigning indifference.

"I don't know anything about Zed."

She expected another deep sigh of disappointment from Karma, but for once after Syndra said something, she was silent. Syndra looked up, noting that the expression on Karma's face was one she'd never seen before. It was… angry, almost. Concerned, maybe.

And then Syndra realized she'd messed up.

"Zed?"

It took all of Syndra's self-control not to smack herself in the face. She shrugged.

"So I heard." She glanced out the window, noting with relief that the sky was getting significantly darker.

"It's getting late, and I should probably-"

And for the first time Syndra had ever seen, Karma did something rude.

"Syndra, _how_ did you hear? Who told you?"

That unfamiliar tone coming out of Karmas mouth irritated Syndra, and her previously neutral voice turned acerbic.

"I don't have to explain anything to you. I'm leaving."

She shoved away from the table and headed for the door, hair whipping behind her, and the mantle she had donned for the first time in months tilting just slightly in her haste. She heard Karma race after her, grabbing Syndra's wrist before she could leave the room.

"Syndra these are _your_ people dying, and this is information we desperately need! This shadow order is dangerous, and you shouldn't be-"

Syndra turned on Karma, ripping her wrist from her grasp. Syndra didn't like being on the defensive, and she made sure her tone was dripping with malice and contempt, anything to get Karma to let her leave.

"They are _not_ my people and you are _not _my family. I have no obligation to you."

Karma's mouth screwed up in a way she'd never seen, and she pulled her hand back like she'd been bitten. Syndra could've sworn she saw tears in her eyes, but she turned on her heel and left before she could be sure.

Outside was no better than the tiny room she'd just left, but at least it was easier to breathe. She couldn't believe she'd been so _stupid._ She'd been distracted, thinking about leaving, about being home, about meeting with Zed later. She groaned, actually smacking her forehead this time. She'd never have let something so stupid distract her before.

The longer she walked the more and more she felt like hitting herself in the face again. She was sure there would be more serious consequences the next time she saw Karma, and she didn't know what her association with the shadow order would have on her alliance with the elders of Ionia.

She'd had such a good thing going, too.

Her thoughts returned to Zed, and even though she knew it wasn't his fault, she was angry with him for clouding her thoughts. She walked straight home and decided to stay there all night, leaving Zed to figure out for himself why she didn't show up.

The more the day wore on the more worried she became. She didn't think Karma was the violent type, but the Ionian elders only left her alone because she sat in her celestial fortress and never bothered the simple people below. If she was associated with a man that had murdered the entire Kinkou order and didn't show any signs of stopping, would they try to oust her as well? She didn't think the elders, or anyone from beneath her, would be able to make her leave if she didn't want to, but she didn't want to kill anyone either.

It was such a _small_ slip. How could the repercussions be so enormous?

* * *

For almost two weeks Syndra holed up in fortress, waiting for Karma to send word of her impending witch hunt and avoiding Zed entirely. It wasn't really fair to him, to leave him with no word, but she was too worried about herself to worry about his feelings.

But for two weeks, Karma said nothing, and for two weeks, Syndra slowly drove herself more and more insane. It was certainly a relief that eventually Zed came looking for her, since she didn't think she'd survive being alone with her thoughts for much longer.

Zed found her, like always, in the gardens, sitting beneath that same tree she loved, arms wrapped around her knees. He tried to make light of the last few weeks, smiling down at her, but she didn't move. He kneeled next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking her gently. The shoulder beneath his fingers felt bonier than usual, and the smile disappeared entirely from his face.

"What's wrong?"

She looked up at him, lavender eyes framed by dark shadows. She tried to explain, but she was tired and she didn't think the words were coming out right.

"I don't know what she's going to do… She hasn't said anything to me yet, but I don't know what's going to happen, Zed; I can't lose my alliance with her, but what about you?"

Zed tried his best to comfort her, but he didn't know anything about Ionian politics and couldn't sway her decision when it came to her involvement with him.

"You haven't done anything wrong, and she doesn't know the extent of our…"

He trailed off, the words not quite coming to him, and settled for waving a hand through the air. She glanced at him through narrowed eyes, but stayed silent. He took his hand off the much thinner shoulder, thinking how best to phrase what he was about to say.

"You can't risk your truce with Karma."

She looked pained.

"I know… Don't you think I _know?_"

Her voice exploded from the quiet whisper she had been using at first, and she abandoned her perch on the floor in favor of standing in front of Zed, screaming.

"I can't ruin what I have with Karma, but I can't just leave you either!"

She yelled it at him like it was his fault she felt that way. He understood her panic and frustration, but didn't want to stand there being screamed at either.

"Why?"

Syndra's eye twitched, like the simple question caused her physical pain.

"Because I…"

Her mouth hung open for a second, and all the fire in her voice was gone. She sighed and deflated in on herself, tone returning to a quiet whisper.

"I just can't."

She gripped the roots of her hair, turning away from him and pacing the garden beneath her favorite tree's leaves.

"I can't, I can't…"

The anxiety lacing her whispers set him on edge, but he didn't know how else to help her. He grabbed the shoulders that her worry had eaten away at, trying to stop the pacing at least. She had to tilt her head far back to be able to look him in the eye, but she didn't move from the position.

"Karma would have said something by now if there was a problem."

She bit her lip, wanting to believe that she was safe and that Karma hadn't made the other elders think she was plotting against Ionia, but it wasn't easy to make the anxiety disappear. She let herself go limp, forehead falling against his chest.

"I'd have to kill them, if they decided I was a threat. I don't love Ionia, I don't love the people, but I don't want to hurt anyone either."

She mumbled the words into his shirt, and Zed pulled her closer, trying to ease some of the worry. She folded her hands underneath her chin, comfortable for the first time since meeting with Karma, trying to believe what Zed told her; it _did _make sense that Karma would have said something sooner if she really thought Syndra was a problem. And standing here, it was easy to believe that she was safe, that she would always be safe.

Zed awkwardly patted her back after a couple minutes.

"You need to eat."

She laughed into her hands, but only leaned slightly away from him.

"I _am_ starving."

He smiled down at her, glad to see her mood improved.

"Feeling better?"

She grinned up at him, and before he could properly react, leaned forward on her toes, pressing her lips against his. The kiss only lasted a second before she used the hands she still had on his chest to push him away, skipping away from his side and towards the exit to the garden.

"_Much_ better!"


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: First off, sorry for the slow update. I had written out almost the whole chapter and the power went out, and of course I didn't save anything beforehand, so it took me a bit longer than expected to rewrite it and post it. Damn weather._**

**_Ulcaasi- Maybe a lot of things are going to bite her in the ass. Ey? Eyy?_**

**_Redgrave- I read all reviews ~several times because I love that you guys take the time to review, so anytime! Hopefully I'll have more time to upload double chapters again._**

**_Mikuzu- Thank you for all the reviews! Hopefully I can keep the space between uploads short for you and everyone else :]_**

**_Like always, thank you for the reviews and enjoy!_**

* * *

"Captain Lito, it's been too long."

Irelia's face puckered, but she tried to ignore Syndra as she took her seat. She didn't speak for several minutes after, and Syndra propped her chin in her hands, attempting to focus on the captain's soured face and not the knots her stomach was tying itself into and the increasing slickness of her palms. She wasn't doing a very good job.

Finally, Irelia spoke through her pinched lips, the blades behind her quivering.

"Karma wanted me to warn you to be careful. "

Syndra waited for her to say more, to say that she needed to be careful because the elders were coming after her and she was a traitor and they wanted her dead, but Irelia kept her mouth screwed shut and said no more. The relief washed through her tensed muscles, and she couldn't keep herself from grinning. Her improved mood seemed to ruin Irelia's even more, whose downturned mouth turned into a look of pure disgust.

"That's all Karma wanted me to pass on."

Her voice heavily hinted at her to leave, but Syndra couldn't help but taunt her a little bit more.

"Don't you _like_ spending time with me?"

Syndra pouted at the captain who was trying very hard to restrain herself and the squirming blades behind her, her voice a sultry simper. She thought she saw Irelia's eye twitch, and decided that then was a good time to go. She grinned widely once more before bouncing out of her chair, pausing to blow Irelia a kiss goodbye at the door and to savor her expression.

Syndra waited until she was under the cover of the forest's canopy to let her spheres loose, spinning in a circle and laughing at the orbs that spiraled past her fingers. They flew far and fast and Syndra tried her best to keep up with them, her good mood fueling her energy. She didn't often receive such good news, and she wanted to indulge in the feeling.

At home, she couldn't sit in the gardens like she usually did. She bustled around, clipping immaculate flowers from delicate stems and gathering a bouquet of her favorite blossoms. She brought the flowers to her room, where she set the bunches anywhere there was space. She admired the silky petals in the dimming light, then sat in the middle of her bed, pulling the pillows she favored close around her. She nestled deeper into the comfort, pulling the one remaining sphere into her lap, and leaned her forehead against the wavering surface. She sighed, eyes closing and lips relaxing into a smile.

"We're safe." She whispered to the sphere.

"Who's we?"

Syndra gasped and jerked from her curled up position, eyes flicking to the darkest corner in her room while the sphere in her lap scattered apart, thin miasmas of purple dissipating into the air. Syndra frowned at the shadow that detached itself from the rest.

"You really have to stop doing that."

Zed tilted her chin back, leaning his face against hers. He smiled against her frown.

"You make it easy."

Syndra tried to resist the kiss, but she was still elated from before, and it was hard to resist Zed even on bad days. He laughed quietly after they separated.

"Are you sure you want me to stop?"

Syndra groaned at the joke, pushing his face away from hers. As much as she definitely did _not_ want to stop, she also didn't want to give Zed what he wanted.

Not yet, anyway.

She collapsed against the pillows, patting the open space beside her and waiting for Zed to do the same. He followed her example, and she leaned her cheek against his shoulder.

"I met with Irelia."

Zed didn't bother to ask who Irelia was, moving to twirl a strand of Syndra's hair between his fingers instead.

"And?"

"And everything is… okay."

Zed glanced down at her face, noticing the absent smile.

"You don't sound very sure."

Her mouth pulled to the side unhappily.

"She let me off so easy… And she was so upset the last time I saw her. It doesn't feel right."

Zed agreed, to an extent. But from what he knew, this Karma or Irelia or whoever didn't know enough of what Syndra was doing to really mount a case against her.

"She doesn't know anything."

Syndra wanted very badly to believe him, but worry still nagged at her.

"But she suspects."

Zed shrugged. He really wasn't concerned about what the elders of Ionia thought, and their suspicion didn't worry him. Syndra decided to focus on something else, curling closer to Zed's side and closing her eyes.

"Tired?" he murmured.

She mumbled the beginning of a response, but when Zed tilted his head to ask her to repeat herself, she was already asleep.

* * *

The morning was cold when Syndra woke up, and the first thing she noticed was a distinct lack of very large ninjas. She waited for him to spring from some dark corner of the room, but after a couple minutes came to the conclusion that she was alone. She pouted unhappily. She'd fallen asleep the night before a _lot_ earlier than she'd intended to, and was rather put out that Zed picked this particular morning to disappear. It was a minor inconvenience, but she did know where to find him.

The shadow order was quiet, like always, and that made it slightly more difficult to track Zed down. She wandered aimlessly before directing herself towards his apartment. She found him just as he was leaving the door, dressed in clothes she knew were for travelling.

But travelling where?

She smiled at him, faltering only slightly when she realized he was wearing the mask again. He held a hand out to her, and she took it suspiciously, deciding she was a little less suspicious when he pressed her against his chest, keeping a hand against the small of her back.

"You're up early."

She slid a hand under his shirt, fingers ghosting across muscles she had yet to explore. She grinned when he shivered.

"I had a lot on my mind."

He chuckled quietly, chest rumbling against her cheek. "Like what?"

She kept her hand in place but leaned upwards on her toes, so she could tilt the mask back and press her lips against his, placing her free hand on his cheek. She deepened the kiss after a moment and then broke off, panting slightly. His breath mixed with hers as they both took a second to recover.

"I'm starting to think I should've stayed."

Syndra grinned and tried to repeat the action, but a quiet throat clearing from behind her made her lean away, retracting her hands and falling back on her heels. She gave the ninja that interrupted them a withering glare as Zed maneuvered his mask back into place. The ninja went back the way he came which prompted Zed to follow, and Syndra watched unhappily as he started to walk away. He tried to smile back at her, but her expression didn't mitigate.

"I'll be back soon."

And he was gone.

His words gave her little hope, and in the following weeks of his absence, she would learn that soon to Zed would never be soon enough to her.


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: Okay. Ulcaasi brought up some pretty important stuff (Like always) that I didn't really provide context for. It's easy for me to forget that unless I actually type it out, you don't know what's going on inside my head and my thought process. _**

**_So._**

**_Zed was part of the kinkou before, but to me, he spent an awful lot of time trying to better himself and best Shen, not really learning about the rest of Ionia. I don't think that the kinkou were particularly concerned with the rest of Ionia's populace unless they directly interfered with them or there was a specific problem they had to deal with, etc. And when Zed left the kinkou, he went off by himself to start his order so I don't think he had any time to learn the names of the elders of Ionia, or the names of their captains and so forth. He'd pretty recently (it's been about a year or so in my story) taken over the kinkou and has really been obsessed with finding the remaining kinkou, finding Shen, putting up with Syndra. It's always seemed to me that the kinkou were in Ionia, but were pretty private and kept to themselves, someone like Zed especially. I don't think there was ever a time he needed to know the elders that Syndra grew up with or anyone in the Ionian military. Zed is also pretty selfish~ (for lack of a better word), so he really only concerns himself with stuff that affects him directly. _**

**_As for the League, no one in the story is a champion as of yet. I kind of want that to be a part of the story I integrate myself, not something that's just a given. So the league is a thing and there are champions, but Syndra, Zed, Karma, Irelia, Shen, Akali and Kennen have not joined yet. _**

**_And as for Karma, in this story she's a pretty important, very respected elder that Ionia really kinda keeps a secret because of how valuable she is to them. Her main responsibility is dealing with Syndra since most people can't and won't, so Zed really wouldn't have heard about her from anyone else but Syndra. _**

**_I hope that clears some of the confusion up, and if there are any questions/inconsistencies on my part, please leave a review! I'll try to explain or fix it the best I can._**

**_As always, thanks for the reviews and I hope you enjoy!_**

* * *

"We didn't get all of them."

Zed's voice was neutral, but the ninjas he had assembled around him knew well enough to know that he was angry. His highest ranking advisor spoke.

"They're being very careful."

Zed's fingers twitched, and it took all of his restraint not to physically harm the man.

"We're being inefficient. And now we've lost them again. "

No one had an answer for him this time, since they knew better than to argue. Zed tapped a finger on the map spread on the table separating everyone in the room.

"They know our scout's usual patrol routes now." Zed turned to the ninja who answered him before.

"Change them. I leave it to you."

The man nodded and exited the room, leaving Zed with just the three remaining ninjas.

"Adjust the training schedule. It's clearly ineffective."

The men around him nodded and took their leave. Zed waited until he was sure they were out of hearing range to slam his fist on the table, effectively destroying the map and exacerbating the pain in his shoulder. This was the first time he'd seen the kinkou in _months_, and he'd let them slip through his grasp once again. He blamed his scouts for letting some of the small band of kinkou escape, but the burning frustration he felt was laced with the doubt that it was his fault, for not being as present for training as he should be. Now his scouts had to devise all new patrol routes, and they'd have to start their search for the kinkou all over.

Because of him.

Zed tried to rub his weary eyes, forgetting for a moment that he was uncharacteristically wearing the mask after so long. He dropped his hand, glancing out of the open doorway and at the small part of the order he could see. The buildings were just beginning to lighten, the sky behind them grey instead of black. He debated on what to do next. He hadn't slept since returning from the hunt for the kinkou, so that seemed like his best option. But on the other hand, there was usually somewhere he'd be this time of the morning on another given day. He sighed, rolling his shoulder and willing the ache to go away, leaving the room and heading not towards his temple, but the path in the forest he'd become so accustomed to.

* * *

Syndra's room was empty when he arrived, it's usual occupant seated in her favorite spot on the balcony, just beginning to rise. He didn't try like he usually did to surprise her, opting instead to plant himself on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to walk back through the balcony doors. She still jumped slightly in surprise when she saw him, which he attributed more to the fact that he hadn't seen her in almost a month, instead of his sudden arrival. The shock on her face gave way to a very small smile, and she moved to stand in front of him, placing a hand on the cheek that was once again bare.

"Hi."

Her voice was a quiet whisper, and he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. He covered her hand with one of his, trying to prolong the caress, but she pulled away almost immediately. She tugged on the hand he had lifted slightly, prompting him to stretch his arm out, her fingers insistent.

"You're bleeding."

Her voice was calm, but he forced his eyes open anyway. Along the arm she had in her hands were long, rust colored streaks, splotched where her fingers were and staining her hands. His shoulder throbbed when she adjusted her grip. He hadn't had the time before to inspect his shoulder, but he'd assumed it was just a strained muscle. She dropped the arm, moving his sleeve back to get a better view of the wound.

"Your shirt is in the way."

Zed tried to push away her hands, angling his shoulder away from her.

"It's not bothering me. "

She sighed in exasperation, gently moving his shoulder back to where she could see it.

"Stop being difficult. You're bleeding all over me and my bed. Take the shirt off so I can see better."

She tugged at the hem of his shirt, prompting him to pull it over his head. She was silent for a moment, and when she spoke her voice sounded drastically different from the happy whisper of before.

"Wait here."

She was out of the room before he could try to convince her she was overreacting. He moved his left to hand to his right shoulder, trying to inspect the wound. His fingers brushed along a tear in the flesh a lot bigger than he thought, and his fingers came away bloody. He considered leaving before Syndra returned to get it looked at back at the order, but he'd never hear the end of it and she still had his shirt.

He waited until she bustled back into the room, eyes closing when his earlier fatigue returned. She rubbed what he assumed was a towel across his shoulder, water dripping down his arm. She switched to drying the area, then wrapping the shoulder. It was a little too tight for his taste, but her touch was gentle and light, so he didn't complain. She left the room once more, returning with fresh pillows and the strong smell of soap. She adjusted the bedding until she was satisfied, then nudged Zed's shoulder.

"You can lay down now."

He tried to resist, but he really was tired, and the room was quiet and comfortable. He eased against the pillows, opening his eyes to stare accusingly at Syndra.

"You still have my shirt."

She rolled her eyes, biting her lip to keep from smiling. Zed shuffled more to the right side of the bed, lifting his left arm. She hesitated at first, but moved to lie in the space he'd made available at his side. He dropped the arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and closing his eyes. He ran his fingers through the silver hair that covered his hand, not realizing until now how much he'd missed nights like these the last month.

"Did I miss anything important?"

She made an unhappy noise.

"Me, I'd expect."

He laughed quietly into the hair that smelt like roses.

"You know what I meant."

She didn't answer for a few minutes, and Zed let himself slip more towards sleep the longer she kept quiet.

"Nothing terribly important."

Zed meant to respond, but decided that the morning seemed like a much better time to ask for details.

* * *

Syndra listened to Zed sleeping beside her, his breath making her hair flutter against her cheek. She savored the feeling of his bare skin beneath her fingers, the arm wrapped loosely around her shoulders. She tried to shrink closer into his side, pressing her cheek against his chest.

She definitely missed this.

She was happy that he was back, but her happiness was tinged with bitterness.

She'd heard from him only once while he was gone, and nothing more, then he shows up unannounced and injured. She peeked at the bandage she'd inexpertly wrapped around shoulder, mouth pinching just slightly. She didn't know where he'd been or how he could forget that he'd hurt himself, and she didn't think he'd tell her either. She never concerned herself with what he did when he wasn't with her before, and she didn't want to start now. He wasn't… _hers._ So it shouldn't matter.

In theory.

She tried to focus on the position she was currently in, warm and happy. She could worry about all the rest when she wasn't as comfortable or tired. She adjusted the position of her cheek on Zed's chest, tried to match her breathing to his.

Yes, she would worry later.


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Tahimikamaxtli~ Thank you very much! I'm insanely happy that you like the fic so much :3_**

**_Redgrave- Okay I spit out three chapters in two days I think, so I'll probably need some down time. _**

**_Ulcaasi- Maybe she does, hmm…_**

**_Like always, thanks for reading and please review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Syndra pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to ease the pressure surrounding her brain.

It wasn't working.

Someone was talking to her, had repeated themselves several times, in fact, but she couldn't concentrate enough to understand what they were saying. She squeezed her eyes tighter, held up a finger to silence the voice and then immediately placed it back against her temple. She forced her eyes open only when she felt fingers very tentatively touching her wrist. Karma was leaning across the table, worry etching lines across her face.

"Do you need a healer?"

Syndra pressed her eyelids together again, trying to hold in a groan of pain and failing miserably. She shook her head.

"I'm not sick."

And she wasn't. Syndra had had these headaches before; very rarely, but the result of not exercising her power like she should be. She could feel the pressure building behind her eyes and in her fingertips. Her limbs ached for release, but it took time to safely exercise the buildup, and she was late enough to her meeting with Karma as it was.

"Do you need to leave?"

Syndra had never hated Karma less in her life.

"Yes."

Karma looked like she wanted to say something else, but Syndra yanked her hand from under hers and left before she had a chance. Syndra thought she would explode as soon as she got outside, but she wasn't sure how bad the fallout would be and didn't want to be anywhere near people. She allowed just three spheres to be let out, abnormally large spheres that whipped around her head. The small release eased the pressure behind her eyes, allowing her to get home in relative peace.

She let more power flow from her to her spheres when she was safely away, savoring the decreased headache. She increased her pace, eager to curl up beneath a mountain of pillows in a very dark room and sleep away a day that promised to be miserable. She opened the door to her room a little more forcefully than necessary, groaning loudly when she saw her bed. She forgot that Zed had stayed the night, still asleep when she'd left that morning. She'd never been so unhappy to see him, still very shirtless and taking up an unfair portion of the bed.

She picked a side of the bed that was a little less occupied, shoving an arm out of her way. Zed groaned at the very ungentle treatment, pulling the abused limb out of her reach. She jabbed a finger into his side, wanting him as far away as possible.

"Move."

He rolled over onto his side, leaving his back to face her. She frowned at him but fell onto the bed anyway, sticking a pillow between them and pulling the blanket away from his side of the bed and wrapping it tightly around her shoulders.

"You're no fun to sleep with."

Syndra screwed her face up even more, trying to ignore the offhanded comment and failing.

"How is it possible for you to be this aggravating, before the day has even started?"

He laughed at the petulant tone, which decreased her mood even more. She jabbed an elbow into the pillow against his back, putting as much force as she could into the movement. She tried to ignore the increasing laughter and squeezed her eyes shut, pathetically attempting to force herself to sleep. The slight headache and fresh annoyance kept her far away from relaxing, and after a few minutes she felt Zed shift again, stretching an arm over her makeshift barrier and around her waist. She frowned into the blanket she had still pulled against her face.

"Stop touching me."

Zed laughed at her again, his breath tickling her ear.

"I can't help it, when you're being so approachable."

She grumbled unhappily, decreasing in volume when he moved the pillow barrier and pulled her against his chest. He moved the hand at her waist to under her shirt, tracing light patterns across her stomach. She tried not to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

"You seem rather unhappy today."

She pursed her lips, shivering slightly when his hand moved higher.

"Because you're still touching me."

"Hardly."

She elected not to answer, and in response he very gently flipped over her, keeping his weight off of her but pressing her into the bed. He lowered his face to hers, mouth moving against her lips.

"_Now_ I'm touching you."

Syndra completely forgot about her headache and her earlier annoyance, unable to think about anything else other than the skin she could feel against her face and her arms. She regretted very badly the blanket she had swathed herself in earlier, wishing that it and everything between them would disappear. Zed acted as if he could read her mind; he pulled the blanket away and eased her knees apart, positioning himself more comfortably against her. Syndra found it was significantly more difficult to breathe, made all the worse by the fact that he closed what little distance there had been between their faces, lips pressing urgently against hers. She moved her hands to claw at his back, trying desperately to pull him closer. She wanted more, she _needed_ more, so that was naturally when Zed picked to move away, falling onto his side and leaving her flustered and slightly breathless.

She stared at the ceiling until she was sure her breathing sounded normal and then turned to Zed, a very satisfied smirk plastered on his face. She tried her very best to glare, but her body was still tingling from before.

"You are infuriating."

He picked up her left hand, threading his fingers through hers and using it to pull her close again, kissing her with renewed vigor. He pulled his face back just slightly, giving himself enough room to speak.

"You were very rude before."

Syndra ran her free hand down his chest, grateful that at least one of them wasn't wearing a shirt. She smiled when her exploring fingers elicited a shiver.

"You're right." She consented. She pulled both of her hands away, rolling onto her other side, leaving her back to him. For a moment there was silence, neither of them willing to give in to the other. Syndra grinned when Zed put a hand on her waist, pulling her downwards and resuming his position on top of her. Her earlier wish was granted when he freed a hand to tug off her shirt, continuing until there was nothing between them at all. She arched into the embrace, savoring every inch of skin that collided, every movement between them, every breath that fanned her face. She found herself once again clawing desperately at his back, pressing much too hard. She could feel her nails drawing blood, but she was lost in the ecstasy and the fervor of the moment, and Zed wasn't giving her any indication that he was uncomfortable.

Much the opposite, she'd say.

She was definitely not focused on how much time had passed when they finally separated, but she could tell from the way the sunlight that streamed through balcony doors was slanted that it had been a significant amount. She again pulled the blanket over her face, trying to block out the meager sunlight and ward off the headache she could feel returning. Zed joined her under the blanket, whispering against her cheek.

"I have to go."

She groaned, wishing just once that he wouldn't ruin the moment. He disappeared from her side, and she threw the blanket away from her face, catching him right as he was opening the door. The blanket fell around her waist, revealing a chest she hadn't gotten around to covering just quite yet.

"You _could_ stay."

He almost looked pained for a moment, and hesitated at the doorway. He was at her side faster than she could see could see, cupping her face in his hands and connecting their lips once more. The kiss was slow and gentle, so much different from before, and she put a hand over his in an effort to keep him from leaving.

"I won't be long."

And just like that, the hands against her cheeks were gone.


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N: First off, I'm very sorry for the time between updates! I've had the worst writers block, and I wasn't writing anything for a while that I was satisfied enough with to upload. I was also ~slightly busy actually playing League (Diamond 5 hype). I think I have the story in a pretty good place now, so I'll try to keep the update times a lot shorter. _**

**_Jonathon: I think I'm going to try and incorporate more Irelia/Karma into the story, so we'll see! Thank you!_**

**_Redgrave: Thank you for all the reviews :3 Writing the story is actually crazy enjoyable for me, so I'm glad you like it. _**

**_xSilentWolf- AkalixShen was my first league OTP, but I can appreciate the ZedxAkali pairing. Thank you very much for the cookie, I am a big lover of cookies and grammar. _**

**_Reviewer- Thank you!_**

**_SunnySplosion- I…. I love you too. Thank you!_**

**_LolSkies- Thank you veeeery much! There is definitely more to the story I promise, I won't end it without telling you either. But there should definitely be more, no worries!_**

**_As always, please leave a review and enjoy! Thank you for reading!_**

* * *

Syndra watched the sphere she had bob in her hand, carefully balanced against the wind. It rotated slowly, the very last of the sun's rays shining through the edges and casting purple shadows across her face. She studied the wavering magic and slowly twisted her other hand, conjuring another sphere and bringing it upwards, parallel to the original. She very carefully brought her hands together, pushing the spheres closer and closer until they formed one. She held the new sphere at arm's length, watching the edges blur and then constricting her fingers, more and more until the sphere faded through her hand, disappearing from her palm. She stared at her now empty palms, then pulled the only sphere she had left to her hand, out of the crater it had created. All around her the forest was broken and destroyed, the previously tall saplings shattered and broken. She let the lone sphere trail behind her, quickly moving away from the desolation.

Syndra had too much time to herself while she made her way home, too much time to study her shaking hands. She'd almost completely lost control before, conjuring sphere after sphere and hurling them around her, not a thought in her head but what was left for her to destroy. Even now her shaking fingers itched for more, more release and destruction. She tucked her hands underneath her arms, shrinking against the nighttime chill and sighing in relief when the forest around her became familiar.

She lifted herself into the fortress, foregoing her usual route to the gardens and heading straight to her room, her earlier energy sapping the strength from her limbs. The closer she got to her room the more her body dragged, until she was slumping against doorways and staggering up stairs. She finally collapsed into her bed, the comforts she usually enjoyed smothering her. She tried to surrender herself to sleep, but the harder she tried the more her exhausted mind tried to torture her.

Oh, how easy it was for her to lose control, for all her careful restraint to be shattered in a matter of seconds.

It was some time before Syndra finally began to feel herself drifting away, but sleep was no reprieve. Her dreams were twisted nightmares in which she was powerless to change, too weak to do anything but watch her mind tear itself apart.

Syndra stayed in the darkness, and waited.

* * *

Zed listened to his footsteps echo off the outside walls of Syndra's garden, peering through the entrance. He had expected there to be someone meditating beneath the lone tree's leaves, or picking a perfect flower off of one of the millions of stems, but the room was quiet and still. He left the garden, heading around the corner to Syndra's room. He frowned at the open door, closing it behind him and heading for the stairs. He tried to walk silently, listening for anything that might indicate Syndra was home.

Silence.

He walked through another open doorway, eyes searching the room. The balcony and divan were empty, so he headed to the bed, carefully moving around the piles of pillows and blankets. Syndra was curled up at the very bottom of the pile, hands covering her ears and face pinched in discomfort. She didn't respond to him, so he tried gently shaking her shoulder.

"Syndra?"

She flinched away from his hand, screwing her face up even tighter. Zed moved to shake her again, but his shadow waved a hand in front of his.

_She is unstable._

Zed didn't have to ask for an explanation before the shadow went on.

_The power… You can feel it. _

He could, if he really tried. It was just a slight hum at the edge of his fingers, but it was there. His shadow reached out a hand of its own, passed Zed's, letting its willowy fingers rest on Syndra's cheek. The fingers moved across Syndra's, smoothing out the tight grip and relaxing the pained expression on her face. They lingered a second longer than Zed was comfortable with before moving away from a face that was considerably more peaceful than before.

The shadow laughed at his side, then twisted away, fading into the other shadows on the walls. Zed waited to make sure it was gone before pulling his hand away from Syndra's shoulder and tucking the pillows he'd displaced back around her arms, frowning at the new pile.

What did unstable mean, exactly?

She was so quiet, and all the earlier pain was gone from her expression. Her breathing was slow and even. She didn't look like anything else but asleep, and yet his shadow had said.

Unstable.

Zed made sure that she didn't show any signs of waking up and that the pillows surrounding her were in a good position before leaving the room, being careful to close both doors. The fortress seemed like a much darker place, now that its master was locked away, and Zed was eager to leave.

He was more comfortable at the order, but it was difficult for him to concentrate. Should he have left Syndra alone? His mouth twisted when he realized that his shadow would most likely still be there, waiting until he left to watch over Syndra until….

Until what?

Zed was out of his depth when it came to the nuances of Syndra's power; Syndra herself didn't know everything about it. All he knew was how nervous the word unstable made him.

Zed tried to participate in what little was left of that day's training, making an effort to ignore the absence of his shadow and the nagging feeling that he shouldn't have left Syndra by herself. Tomorrow, he told himself. Tomorrow he would go back and see if Syndra was in better condition.

Zed was leaving the training grounds after a particularly long night, when one of his advisors flagged him down. The man bowed, waiting for Zed to wave a hand before speaking.

"Sir. Our scouts have found him."

Zed stiffened, and all the weariness that was dragging him down before vanished.

"Ready the students. We're leaving."

* * *

Syndra groaned, very slowly dragging her eyelids open. Her vision remained black, and her groggy mind was too confused to realize what was wrong just yet. She stretched very stiff muscles, frowning when her legs pulled uncomfortably. The pillow that had been blocking her view shifted away, revealing an almost equally dark room, highlighted just slightly by the moonlight trickling through the balcony doors. Midnight… So she'd been asleep all day. She sat up, wincing when her back cracked in protest. She must have fallen asleep in a terrible position, to be so sore. She stumbled to the balcony, sighing happily when the fresh air washed over her skin. She enjoyed the feeling, but was a little disappointed when she remembered she woke up alone. She frowned when she realized Zed was probably off doing something _very _important and order related. But he usually told her… Her frown deepened.

She couldn't remember.

And not just if Zed had ever told her if he was leaving, but what she was doing earlier that morning or the entire day before. She tried to think, but the harder she tried to remember the more her head started to ache, until the only thing she could focus on was the pounding in her head. She pressed her fingertips to her temples, the wind against her skin suddenly freezing and uncomfortable, prompting her to go back inside and swath herself in the blankets.

The darkness helped dull the headache, but her chilled skin was still freezing beneath her fingers. She tried to focus on pulling the blankets tighter around herself and not her missing memory, not quite succeeding at either.

How could she forget an entire day?

She threw the blankets away, heading for the door. She couldn't go back to sleep with her head aching the way it was, and she didn't want to wait for Zed to get back either. She tried to pull out her usual spheres on the way to the order, but they were small and drooped around her, rotating only once before disappearing entirely. She watched them fade away, satisfied at least one mystery had been solved. Only once before had her power been so drained, and her memory had been affected the last time too. She still couldn't remember what she'd done to exhaust herself that much, but it was a start.

The order was quieter than usual, and there was no one around when she first arrived. She headed straight to Zed's apartment, letting herself in to a dark and very empty room. The silence unnerved her, even though the order was never particularly lively at any given time. She went back to the main part of the complex, into the last building she had hope to find anyone in. It was lit, at least; empty, but she wasn't alone for long before someone came in the doorway behind her.

The man was clothed much like Zed; the same dark clothes and silver mask, but didn't hold himself with the same confidence. He bowed slightly to a very confused Syndra.

"Zed sends his regards,"

Syndra's stomach twisted. She'd heard those words before.

"But he is unavailable. I wasn't instructed to tell you much, but he joined his scouts shortly after they located Shen's group."

Syndra was confused. Who was Shen? Why couldn't Zed have told any of this to her himself?

"He joined them… How long ago?"

"Six days ago."

Six. Days. Syndra pressed her fingers to her temples, the mild headache from before pounding with renewed fervor. So she had been asleep for six days, and now Zed was gone.

"How long will he be gone?"

The man shifted uncomfortably.

"It's impossible to tell… But the kinkou were located a considerable distance from here, and they were moving fast."

Syndra frowned at the lackluster answer.

"It'll be some time."

Syndra's stomach clenched again; she wanted to leave, to be far away from this man and the news that just kept getting worse. She mumbled a nearly silent thank you, and strode from the room, the spheres she didn't have the energy for earlier now spiraling around her.

Gone.

Her fingers clenched into fists, tighter and tighter until she felt blood dripping from her palms. She didn't know why Zed had left her with such little information, or why he couldn't have waited until she was awake to leave. Who was this Shen, and what made finding him so important? Where was he now?

When would he be back?

Syndra's anger built the more she walked, until her spheres were not just following her but destroying the forest around her, leaving a thin trail of broken trees and foliage. She didn't like being left with no explanation, no memory, no control over who left her life and no control over the anger that twisted her features and pushed her power to its limits. It took all of her concentration to wave away the spheres when she returned to the fortress, all her concentration to enter the gardens and sit beneath her tree, all her concentration to close her eyes and stay silent and still.

It took all her concentration to convince herself she was anything but angry.


	14. Chapter 14

The forest was alive.

The trees were breathing, the air was whistling, the plants were reaching for him. The forest was there and singing for him, but he was deaf to their pleas and blind to their advances.

Shen was here.

* * *

Syndra stared through the balcony doors, frowning at the wind that blew small flurries of snow against the glass.

She was not a cold weather person.

She huddled deeper into her comforter, deeper into the warmth. She watched the snow dance around the balcony until it was the moon shining off the flakes, and the sun had long disappeared. Her eyes were heavy and her body sagged into the pillows, but she stared out of the balcony doors until the moon and sun traded places once more. She stared, and kept staring until the snow piled up and until her body was screaming for her to give in already, to surrender itself to sleep. But she couldn't sleep, not now. Not yet.

The nightmares hadn't left her.

The blankness of her balcony window was preferable to the blankness of her dreams, so silent and choking. She waited for the moon to return, staring plaintively at the comforting light.

"I'm very tired." She murmured.

The moon said nothing. Syndra shifted her focus to the snow once more, noting how much better it looked at night.

"But I can't sleep."

Her throat felt too tight, making it impossible for her to plead with the moon any further. She had thought that nighttime would bring her a modicum of peace, but the silent moon and biting weather had proved her sadly mistaken. She sighed, pulling her blankets up to her chin and sinking against the pillows, weariness finally pulling her eyelids shut.

And although the moon watched over her, her dreams were twisted and silent as ever.

* * *

Zed jabbed his finger at the map on the makeshift table before him, making a few of the collected snowflakes flutter to the earth.

"They could only have gone one way. We have them."

The ninjas around him were energized by his words, and Zed wasn't the only one who wanted to be on their way. He left the map behind for someone else to collect, making his way through the temporary camp and towards the route the rest of the order would soon take. The anticipation was making his muscles twitch, and he hardly noticed the biting cold or the snow that was flying around him.

He was close.

* * *

Syndra stared at the wilted petals before her, reaching out one finger to delicately stroke the rough edge.

These were her favorite roses.

All around her the garden was yellow and weathered; the flowers that were so lively just a few short months ago were now dead and drifting to the floor beneath them. She'd carefully and painfully attended to the flowers when the weather had turned frigid, but nothing she did stopped them from falling apart around her.

She pulled back her hand and left the garden, trying to hold back a very sad and exasperated sigh. She'd wanted to mediate that morning, which is why she was in the gardens and out of her room at all, but she couldn't concentrate when the sight of the wilted plants was all she could think about. There _was_ another place she could go…

The trip to the order was one she hadn't made in a few months, but the path was still familiar and comforting. Although she didn't like the snow or the weather, she could appreciate the beauty of the ice that dripped from the tree branches around her. She wrapped her scarf a little tighter around herself, tucking her fingers into her coat.

The order was, as expected, silent. Its usual occupants were off and away, and even the few left behind were absent. Syndra bypassed every building, making an extra effort to avoid Zed's apartment. The forest around the order was no different from the forest beneath the fortress, but Syndra preferred the slightly unfamiliar to the painfully recognizable.

Syndra found a spot on the forest floor mostly devoid of ice and snow, carefully sitting down and adjusting the scarf around her neck again. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the cold that bit at her cheeks on focus on the deep breathing that usually brought her solace.

In slowly, out slower.

She kept her breathing even and slow until her mind was nearly clear and the cold air was no longer clawing at her skin. She was lost in the quiet of the forest, her even breathing pushing her more and more towards a completely blank mind.

Syndra only very vaguely noticed sometime later that the wind against her cheeks was significantly colder than before, and that the sunlight that had turned her eyelids red was absent. Syndra prepared to break her concentration and leave, about to upset the careful rhythm of her breathing, when something other than herself broke her concentration.

Very quietly, as if the person who was moving about was trying their best to be stealthy, a tree branch snapped off in the forest to her left.

* * *

Zed stared at the small camp beneath him, at the kinkou that were asleep and huddled very close around a meager fire. Scouts, by the look of their ragged clothes. A near silent whistle from the surrounding forest signaled that the lookout was dealt with, and Zed dropped from his precarious perch in the canopy, descending on the kinkou, still unaware of their surroundings.

Zed's blade was swift and sure, and although it wasn't the blood he was looking for, he reveled in it. Every spilled drop brought him closer to his goal.

Every drop brought him closer to Shen.

* * *

Syndra glanced at the man beside her from the corner of her eyes, trying to stealthily observe him.

"You're staring."

Syndra's eyelid twitched, the familiarity of the situation settling with her in a bad way. She chose to remain silent, pulling her scarf around her mouth and following the ninja out of the forest and into the order, which was silent as ever. He didn't lead her far; they stopped at Zed's apartment, where he opened the door and waited for her to trail slowly inside before lighting one of the torches and closing the door.

Syndra sat on the edge of the chair that she usually favored, eyeing the ninja that had led her here in confusion. The same ninja that Zed had always picked to relay to her bad news. He placed the torch he carried in its hook on the wall, finally turning to her.

"It's very late." He waved a hand at the bedroom door, and then back to her.

"I assumed you wanted somewhere to sleep."

Syndra's expression didn't change, but she w_as_ tired, and sleep sounded like a very good next action.

"Yes."

Neither of them said anything after that, and although his face was covered, Syndra could tell the man wanted to say more. He waited just a second more before bowing like he usually did when meeting her, then leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind him.

Syndra relaxed more in the chair, glad to be alone. She considered getting up to sleep in the bedroom, but she was tired and reluctant to move. The bed was too big for just one person, anyway…

Syndra adjusted the small pillow on the chair until it was in a comfortable position under her cheek, and pulled her coat a little tighter around her, turning her back to the meager light that the only torch in the room provided.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying her hardest to fall asleep and forget, for the moment, where she was.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N: Okay, writers block is somewhat gone, and I've got some ideas in the works. I'm hoping to keep updates short for a little while._**

**_SunnySplosion- Ahhh much love to you! Thank you very much. I've always been pretty worried that I was messing up their personalities, so it's actually very relieving to hear that that's not the case. No spoilers, so we'll have to see!_**

**_You have no idea how much your feedback has helped me move past the writer's block and inspired me to write more, and I thank you again. If you do end up writing, make sure to tell me! I'd love to read it c:_**

**_As always, thank you for reading and please leave a review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed tilted his arm in the dying sunlight, examining the edge of a freshly applied bandage. He let the arm fall back to his side, focusing his attention back on the people around him.

"Shen wasn't with the last group. That leaves this one,"

Zed moved a finger across the map, bisecting a river and empty forest.

"And this one."

He swept his finger in the opposite direction, much deeper into the forest. His hand trailed passed a few scattered X's, the marks of fallen Kinkou camps. He tapped the paper.

"I'll take my group here first. We'll rendezvous here."

He indicated a spot almost halfway between the remaining camps.

"And then we'll take the last camp together."

His advisors nodded their affirmation, bowed, and then left, off to prepare. Zed watched them go, once again studying the bandage that was slowly beginning to turn red. His shadow stared at the same spot, laughing at the small discomfort.

_There has been great bloodshed. _

Zed was inclined to agree, but as always, ignored the shadow.

_But how much of Shen's?_

* * *

Syndra didn't make her usual effort to feign attention at what Karma was saying, opting instead to rest her forehead on her folded arms and wait for her to finish. Karma, as always, continued to prattle until Syndra's indifference became too much.

"Are you unwell?"

Syndra didn't have a good enough answer to the simple question, so she remained silent.

Karma very lightly touched her fingers to Syndra's elbow, finally getting her to lift her head. Karma studied her face, noticing jaunt cheekbones and sallow skin. Karma's silent, judgmental stare annoyed Syndra enough to the point of forcing a response from her.

"I'm tired, and you've been wasting my time."

Karma frowned, although the venom in her tone was nothing new.

"You can leave, then. I'll see you next month."

Syndra drifted out the door, pausing in the surrounding forest, her body unwilling to make the trip home just yet. The thought of the empty fortress, only recently free of ice and snow, was no longer appealing. She wandered slowly away from Karma's home, more and more in the direction of the order, even though she knew it was just as barren was the fortress.

Well, nearly.

Waiting, as always, by the central temple, was the ninja she had become recently familiar with. He bowed very slightly to her, following closely behind when she continued passed.

It was their routine, of sorts.

Syndra opted for the training grounds instead of the forest today, settling down in the large, empty space usually reserved for group meditation. She relaxed into her usual meditative stance, closing her eyes and taking one long, deep breath.

She usually meditated alone, while her watchful ninja kept her from wandering somewhere she wasn't supposed to be. Today she cracked open one eye, hoping to catch his gaze. She waved him over, closing her eye before she had a chance to see him respond. Very quietly, so quietly she wasn't sure if she wasn't imagining it, she heard him sink to the ground beside her, taking a deep breath just like she had.

They sat in companionable silence for a few hours, until Syndra's back was beginning to cramp and her careful concentration started to slip. She stood on slightly unstable legs, gently nudging the ninja beside her with the side of her foot. He stood with the fluid grace of someone much more in practice with meditation than herself, shaming her form.

Syndra trailed away, trusting her new shadow to follow. She wandered between the empty temples, her footsteps echoing quietly off the walls. It was just as eerie was always, to see the order so empty. She waited for her ninja to tell her she was somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, but he followed quietly, so much so that she checked more than once to make sure he was still there.

Before long, the sun had dipped behind the tips of the surrounding forest and Syndra was very tired of walking, eager to retire for the night. She headed towards Zed's temple, opening the door just enough for her to slip through, but paused before closing the door. She turned in the doorway, making sure her ninja was there and focusing her gaze on the mask that still sent shivers down her spine.

"What's your name?"

He shifted just slightly, but responded in turn.

"Selvi."

Syndra considered.

"Selvi." She repeated, testing the sound.

"Goodnight, Selvi."

* * *

Zed stared at the man beneath him, ignoring the pain in his side and the blood he knew was dripping down his chest. He pressed his blade a little tighter against the man's neck, drawing a small line of red that grew the longer he applied pressure.

He tried one more time.

"Where is Shen?"

The Kinkou stared at him with wide, terror filled eyes, but to his credit, remained silent. Zed gave him a few seconds more to reply, and on receiving no answer, yanked his blade across the man's neck.

He flicked his wrist, flinging blood across the grass and leaving the body behind him. The scouts they'd stumbled upon were Zed's last chance to find Shen without having to travel to both of the remaining Kinkou camps and root him out himself. If he had gotten answers, the trip would have been cut short by months. As it was, Zed knew he still had a very, very long search still ahead of him.

Zed wanted to sleep, but the pain that flared across his ribs reminded him that he needed to find a healer first. Zed dozed off just slightly while the healer worked, the situation vaguely reminiscent of the last time he'd very sleepily allowed someone to attend to him.

He left the healer as soon as he could, in favor of the small tent he'd set up far away from the rest of the camp. He very carefully lied down, making sure his injured side was kept away from the ground, and closed his eyes. Even though he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep, Zed was finding it more difficult than usual.

As hard as he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about the smell of roses.


	16. Chapter 16

**_A/N: SunnySplosion- Thank you bb! You are quite enjoyable yourself. That is a relief! I'm actually have a ton of fun writing right now, since I kind of feel like I'm on a roll. I may –slightly burn myself out, but I assure you I'm having a ball. You are very welcome for the updates!_**

**_Your excitement is very intoxicating! And although I definitely am not going to spoil anything else (probably) I can say with a lot of confidence that there will most likely not be any pregger-ness going on, since I really am not a big fan of pregnancy/babies in general. Sorry if that disappoints anyone :/_**

**_Ulcaasi- Oh thank goodness you're alive, I was really getting worried there. Fluff all in good time! _**

**_As for Syndra, I hope I was clear in the chapters but let's recap- BAE left without warning which she _****_totally_****_ doesn't care about, power is on the fritz, she feels like she's losing control, and Karma is still a big pain in her side. Life is really not going so smoothly for her atm. _**

**_As always, thanks for reading and please leave a review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Zed swept through the destroyed camp, remorselessly eyeing the devastation. All around him his students were surveying the rubble, searching for information or survivors, he couldn't tell, but his shadow had assured him that there was no one left alive.

A minor success.

They'd taken care of the camp swiftly and efficiently, which is what Zed had hoped for, but it was still a failure. It would continue to be a failure until they found Shen.

Just one more camp left.

Zed had very little patience left for other people that day, so he made sure his meeting with his advisors was short and to the point. He spoke mainly to the highest ranking ninja there.

"We'll mobilize tomorrow for the next camp. It should take no more than a month."

He turned to leave, and added on as an afterthought.

"Put together a small group to return to the order. I want a status report from both ends, and I'm sure we need supplies."

Zed wasn't worried about how the order was doing without him; he'd left only the men he trusted most to watch over it, but it had been almost a year since he'd been there himself, and he'd been badly in need of an update for a while. It was times like now, walking amidst death and destruction in an unfamiliar forest that he wished for nothing more than to be the one to go back home. It was a small consolation that there was only one place left for Shen to be. One place left for him to go, before he could return to the order.

One last stop.

* * *

Syndra very carefully placed the small sphere she'd conjured into Selvi's hands, smiling at the way he eagerly held his arms out. The orb was dark and miniature and unimpressive, but Selvi brought it close to his mask, studying the way the edges blurred and warped around his fingers. Syndra let him ogle for a second more… before waving a hand and whisking the sphere away, laughing when Selvi's shoulders dropped in disappointment.

"It's fascinating."

Syndra's smile turned smug, and she smirked at the mask.

"Of course."

Selvi was amazed by every part of Syndra's power, and showing off to him had become her new favorite thing to do. She wanted to show him just a little more, but like he did every night, Selvi took it upon himself to shoo her away when it got too late.

"Aren't you tired now?"

Syndra _was_ tired, but she wasn't about to admit it. She huffed, and crossed her arms.

"Only a _little_."

Even though she couldn't see, she was sure Selvi was smiling underneath the mask. He stood up from his chair, holding a hand out for Syndra. She stared at the extended arm for just a second longer than was normal before slowly reaching out her own hand, allowing him to lift her from her seat. She smiled up at him, realizing for the first time how much taller he was than herself.

"Till tomorrow, then."

Selvi didn't answer but bowed in response, waiting until she closed the door behind herself to collapse back into his chair, _Zed's_ chair, moving a hand to rub the back of his neck. The smell of roses still permeated the air, and his free hand was shaking.

He had a problem.

* * *

Syndra studied herself in the small mirror in her room, appraising the skin that was no longer gaunt and sickly. She pulled at one cheek, smiling when the skin snapped immediately back into place. Her smile persisted when she left her room, and was on her face the entire way to the order, which had once again turned into an enjoyable journey.

And at the order, the small smile turned into a grin.

Selvi arched out of his customary bow, waiting for Syndra to join him.

"You seem… lively this morning."

Syndra's voice drowned out his quiet murmur.

"Maybe it's the weather."

It was the kind of weather Syndra enjoyed most; sunny and breezy, the gentle air putting an extra spring in her step. She almost felt like dancing.

So she did.

She twirled passed Selvi, and for the first time in months, she let her three spheres swirl behind her, large and bright and lively. Selvi watched in wonder, awed at how much different Syndra seemed in so short a time. There was so much to be amazed by; the magic that danced around its mistress seemingly of its own accord, and the usually downcast mage that was, for the first time he'd ever seen, genuinely happy.

Selvi was almost sad when they entered Zed's apartment, settling into their chairs, forcing Syndra to stop dancing. Although stationary, Syndra was still energized from before, still grinning. She leaned far back into her chair, closing her eyes and savoring the elation she'd been missing out on since…

Since forever ago.

She felt like she should apologize, for acting so childish in front of Selvi. Surely it was unbecoming. She sighed, not wanting to open her eyes just yet.

"I'm sorry… for all that." She waved a hand vaguely, trusting him to interpret the motion.

Selvi laughed.

Syndra opened her eyes and leaned forward, raising her eyebrows.

"Selvi, are you _laughing_ at me right no-"

Selvi held up a hand to silence her, tilting his head to the door. Syndra stopped talking, her earlier grin disappearing. She waited for what seemed like ages until Selvi moved again, springing out of the chair.

"Something's come up…"

He paused halfway out the door, looking over his shoulder at her.

"Aren't you coming?"

He held out a hand like he had just a few short weeks before, and this time Syndra didn't hesitate before taking it, and very unlike the last time, Selvi didn't let go, opting instead to lead her through the order by her hand. Syndra's finger's tingled, and she couldn't keep her eyes off where Selvi's gloves were pressed against her skin. She almost missed where they were headed; towards the main temple, the usual meeting place for the order.

Selvi towed her inside, dropping her hand when he saw the small group of people assembled inside, one of which was eyeing the pair very shrewdly. Selvi recognized the group of advisors, taking in the ragged clothes and weary expressions. He left Syndra by the entry and approached the group, who apparently only spoke in the quietest of whispers.

Syndra watched the exchange, suddenly feeling very out of place. She tried to lean a little closer, tilting her body just a little bit nearer… Even then, she could only hear just slight snatches of conversation.

"Halfway there…. Shen missing…. Setbacks…."

Syndra didn't understand anything she was hearing, and even if she did, she wasn't getting enough to piece anything together. She zoned out for the rest of the conversation, only perking back up when she heard Selvi's voice sometime later.

"Why now?"

The woman Syndra had pegged for the leader, then one who'd been weirdly eyeing her and Selvi earlier spoke up.

"Zed sent us. He wanted us to be back in time to meet him at the last camp."

Syndra held her breath, eager for them to say more, but Selvi just sighed.

"Alright. I trust my report will get relayed."

The woman nodded and waved at her small group, exiting the room, giving Syndra and her spheres a wide berth. Syndra waited until she was sure they were gone to approach Selvi, still standing in the middle of the room. She spoke when he remained silent.

"What was that about?"

Selvi was rubbing the back of his neck, avoiding her gaze.

"Zed's group has run in to a few minor… setbacks, I suppose. That group was sent to make sure everything here is still running smoothly."

Syndra considered.

"Setbacks… So when is he going to…"

Selvi turned to her, dropping his hand.

"Come back? I don't know."

Neither of them had anything to say after that, and suddenly Syndra didn't want to be there, at the order, with Selvi anymore. She rocked back on her heels, knocking a sphere out of the way.

"It's getting late…"

She murmured, staring at the floor.

"You should be going, then."

Syndra tried to hide her relief, uttering a barely audible goodbye before nearly rushing from the room, and then she was running, away from Selvi and the order and everything. She only vaguely noticed herself making the trip through the forest and her arrival at the fortress, only snapping back to attention when she was safely in her room, curled up beneath the familiar comfort of her pillows.

She pulled a blanket over the pillows, shrouding herself in complete darkness and squeezing her eyes shut when it wasn't enough.

It was only then that she noticed she couldn't feel her spheres anymore, and as hard as she tried, she couldn't will them back.

* * *

Zed met the returning group of advisors, not as eager as he thought he'd be for news.

"Nothing to report. Yamir said the scouts have found nothing and Selvi said that everything… _else…_ is fine."

Zed picked up on the irregular inflection in the woman's tone and he turned to her, holding a gaze that was half hostile and half terrified.

"Was there something else?"

She tilted her chin up, setting her jaw.

"No, Master."

Zed stared her down long enough that he saw her swallow nervously more than once, but eventually waved her and the others away. He thought back on the very short conversation.

Selvi. She'd reacted to Selvi.


	17. Chapter 17

For the first time since Syndra had met Karma, she was paying attention to what she said.

"We don't have much to go on… The Kinkou have been under attack for months. I didn't know it would interest you."

Syndra realized that to Karma, her interest in a rather morbid subject probably raised suspicion, but for the moment, she didn't care.

She leaned forward in her chair, waiting for Karma to say more. She was disappointed when she stayed silent.

"Tell me more. Tell me about the Kinkou."

* * *

Zed slunk through the forest, making his way closer and closer to the camp he could just barely begin to see through the trees. His shadow followed behind him, twisting around the foliage and feeding off of Zed's energy. This camp was smaller than the last one, more expertly hidden in the forest. There were less people milling about the tents, but Zed's muscles twitched with excitement.

He recognized these people.

His gaze flitted from face to face, faster and faster until he finally located what he'd spent the last year searching for.

Shen's face briefly caught the dim firelight, before disappearing into a tent.

* * *

Karma tapped a finger on the table, unsure of where to start.

"The Kinkou? Hmm…"

Syndra fought the urge the sigh in frustration, pressing her lips together.

"They were a very old order, headed by a master whose family had run the Kinkou for generations. They prized balance, above everything else. Their last master was murdered nearly three years ago, when they were overthrown. But you remember that."

Syndra was frustrated with the lack of enlightening information. This was all useless, and half the story she knew already. A new thought occurred to her.

"There was a certain Kinkou ninja…"

Karma tilted her head, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes?"

"His name was Shen."

* * *

Zed paced before his students while his shadow stood behind him, silently surveying the gathered ninjas. Zed waited for some of the excitement in his muscles to die down before stopping his frantic rotations, finally turning to the small crowd.

"This is the last of the Kinkou. This is what you've trained for."

He took a small breath, his mouth almost twisting into a smile beneath the mask.

"We finish this. Tonight."

* * *

Karma shrugged, frustrating Syndra before even speaking.

"The Kinkou were not my area of expertise. I only met the master once, briefly, and not even at the order. I don't know anything about a ninja named Shen."

Syndra tapped a finger against her lip, frustration twisting her expression.

"That's it?"

Karma shrugged again, unapologetic.

"Where did you hear about someone named Shen, anyway?"

Syndra's tapping increased while she tried to think of a viable excuse. She settled for shrugging the same way Karma had, remaining silent. For a couple minutes the pair stared each other down, both sides waiting for the other to speak and give in. Syndra wasn't about to give anything up, a fact very well known to Karma, who eventually resigned to not receiving an answer.

"I assume you want to leave now."

Syndra smiled just slightly, standing up.

"I do, actually."

* * *

Zed stood at the edge of the Kinkou camp once more, his order in tow this time. The students were scattered in the surrounding forest, shrouded in their beloved shadows. Zed watched the camp intently, waiting for the right moment, waiting for…

Now.

One of the lights in the camp went out, leaving half in relative darkness. Zed signaled to the students next to him, who in turn passed the signal on and on until everyone in the order was ready.

And on Zed's mark they left the forest, and death rained from the shadows.

* * *

Syndra sat on her balcony, swinging her legs slowly through the air, eyes on the moon. She leaned her forehead against the railings, ignoring the metal that pressed into her skin.

"This is all very complicated."

Her whisper, as usual, went unanswered. She sighed, halfheartedly trying to bring back her spheres and squeezing her eyes shut when nothing happened. She forced her eyelids open after a moment, ignoring the moon and studying the forest, watching the tree tops sway in the wind. The leaves dipped in and out of shadow, and after a while the movement unnerved Syndra, prompting her to abandon her spot by the moon in favor of her bed, surrounded by shadows that didn't move. Syndra waited impatiently for her eyelids to droop, trying again and again to pull a sphere into existence.

Even though it was hours later that Syndra finally fell asleep, there was not a single sphere left to orbit the air.

* * *

Zed could hear the chaos around him; hear it, vaguely, but he was too focused to acknowledge it.

He ripped aside the tent flap that he'd seen Shen enter earlier, anger flaring when he realized it was empty. He almost left, before a small, innocuous piece of paper absentmindedly left on a small bedside table caught his eye. He picked up the paper, tilting it towards the only torch in the tent to better see the surface.

A map, riddled with small circles and thin, connecting lines. Zed frowned at the paper. The way the marks were positioned, it almost looked like they were…

Camps.

Dozens of them, scattered with no apparent pattern across nearly every corner of Ionian forest. _Kinkou_ camps.

So this wasn't the last camp. This changed everything; everything Zed thought he knew about the Kinkou's movements; everything he knew about the remaining population was wrong, his scouts were wrong, all his plans and-

"Zed."

Zed whipped around, dropping the map. Because there he was.

Shen.

* * *

Syndra was stuck.

She'd spent her whole day pruning her garden, until every single plant was impeccably pristine, and until there were enough fresh picked flowers to fill every vase in her room. She'd tried meditating… To no avail. Her power was still just out of her reach.

She wanted to go to the order, like she would have any other day, but every time she tried she only got as far as the forest beneath the fortress before something stopped her.

What was she so afraid of?

* * *

Everything was red and pain and darkness, it was fire and death and destruction.

Zed's breath came in gasps but his footing was sure and he was swift. He would find Shen, he would find him and kill him, he wouldn't let him get away, not again.

He didn't know how long he ran; eventually he stopped, _had_ to stop, because the fire that ate at his face was burning again, and he couldn't remember the last time he breathed. He screamed at the forest around him, screamed in anger and frustration. And then, the only thing that could reach him through the madness.

Footsteps.

He whipped around, faster than he thought could ever be possible. For a second, he was confused; the forest was dark and red, and the figure before him was blurred and uneven. He brought a hand up to the face that was no longer covered, scrubbing the blood away from his left eye and tugging at torn skin that flared painfully.

The footsteps… Not Shen.

His advisor was panting, much like himself, covered in sweat and blood and fear.

"Zed, we need to leave. There were more Kinkou than we thought, the other camps-"

Zed's eyes flicked from her to the surrounding forest, to where Shen disappeared. From her to the forest and back, back and forth…

No.

He couldn't just leave, he couldn't come all this way and just let Shen slip through his fingers, not again… Zed heard a scream, back from the camp. It was impossible to tell the dying Kinkou from his dying order, but he couldn't chance it, he couldn't throw away their lives…

"Gather who's left. We're leaving."


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N: SunnySplosion- Oh thank god. Babies are just the worst. I was trying to make the last few chapters seem faster paced and anxious with all the character switching, considering what was happening. Hopefully the desired effect was achieved! _**

**_I know, right? Poor Zed._**

**_NessaTheSinner- Thank you very much! I'm actually unhealthily obsessed with GarenxKatarina myself, but I'm glad you're enjoying the fic!_**

**_Triangle- *Ma'am ^-^ Thank you very much!_**

* * *

Syndra stared at the shadows that moved slowly across her ceiling, tracing every small line that marred the surface with her eyes. For the hundredth time that night she waved a hand in front of her face, blocking her view of the ceiling, trying to conjure a sphere. She sighed when the air around her remained empty.

She tilted her head to her balcony, frowning at the clouds that obscured the moon. Syndra kicked aside the blankets tangled around her legs, opening the balcony doors and closing her eyes to the breeze that washed over her and inhaling deeply, the scent of rain making her skin tingle. She opened her eyes when the wind picked up, dropping her gaze to the pathway beneath the balcony.

And froze.

The shadows beneath her were inky and thick, but one shadow stood away from the rest, shoulders slightly hunched, black clothes whipping in the wind. It raised an arm upon catching Syndra's gaze, mask glinting momentarily in the moonlight.

Mask…

Syndra's next breath hitched in her throat, disappointment making her eyes sting. She raised one hand high enough for Selvi to see, leaving the balcony and making her way downstairs. She lit one of the torches in the room and then opened the door for Selvi, motioning for them to sit at the only tea table. She settled down on one of the pillows, wrapping the blanket she'd brought with her tighter around her shoulders, waiting for Selvi to speak.

What was he doing here?

Selvi awkwardly perched on a pillow opposite from Syndra, motioning towards the tea cups at the end of the table.

"Tea?"

Syndra nodded slowly; why not? She watched him while he brought a cup to her very small kitchen, carefully preparing the tea. They were both silent while he worked, Syndra not quite sure how to phrase her confusion.

Selvi eventually finished, sliding the steaming cup of tea across the table to Syndra and resuming his earlier position. She waved a hand across the top, taking a tentative sip.

Syndra's mouth pinched just slightly. _Not_ green tea, like she'd come to expect.

She continued to blow gently across the surface of the cup, trying to ignore the stare she felt following her movements and waiting for Selvi to speak.

"You look tired."

Syndra almost rolled her eyes; considering the time of night they were meeting, of course she was tired, but she replied quietly.

"I suppose."

She had expected him to go on, but he shifted uncomfortably, remaining silent.

"You've never come to the fortress before." Syndra hinted.

Selvi rubbed the back of his neck, his usual gesture when he was nervous.

"I have." He admitted.

Syndra's fingers tightened around the cup in her hands, the tea burning her skin.

"What do you mean?"

Selvi dropped his hand and sighed.

"You've been so… " He waved the hand he dropped, in place of a word.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Syndra stared the tea between her fingers, the dark surface rippling in her shaking hands. He checked up on her?

"Selvi, that's…"

She was at a loss then, for how to verbalize the feeling that twisted her stomach.

"Out of line, I know. But someone like you…"

Syndra felt a gloved finger beneath her chin, tilting her head up. Selvi's face was still hidden behind that mask, the mask that made it almost easy for her to pretend she was with someone else, some other time.

"Too extraordinary, to be so sad."

Selvi moved his hand, from just tilting her chin to cupping her cheek, the leather of his glove moving uncomfortably against her skin. Syndra closed her eyes, leaning into the caress, the cup of tea in her hands forgotten. Yes, almost easy, to pretend…

But this was Selvi.

Syndra jerked her head back, ignoring the fresh stinging in her eyes and nearly dropping the cup in her hands on the table, tea splashing over the rim. She clasped her shaking fingers together, placing them in her lap and rocking backwards, as far as she could lean back.

"I think you should go."

Her whisper was choked and painful, and she was surprised it made any sound at all.

"Syndra, please, let me-"

And suddenly Syndra was angry, _furious, _jolting from her seat, her features twisted, eyes bright. The spheres that had been lost to her were once again whipping behind her, her anger fueling their rapid movements.

"I said _leave_!"

She jabbed a finger at the door, making it fly open and bang against the wall, loud enough to make Selvi jump. He was wisely silent as he left the room, slinking away and closing the door quietly behind himself.

Syndra listened to the wind howling outside, waiting a considerable amount of time before collapsing against the floor, her head in her hands.

_Selvi. _

How could she have been so blind? How could she have missed something so _big?_

Syndra lifted her head from her hands, eyes falling on the still nearly full cup of tea. Her anger sparked again, making her fingers twitch. She swept her hand through the air, colliding with the cup and sending it flying where it eventually smashed against the far wall, tea dripping to the floor.

Selvi.

The name made her mouth twist. He had no right, no claim to her. He was _nothing_ to her.

And if she ever saw him again, she would show him just how extraordinary her power was.

* * *

It was late.

The sun would be shining high in the sky by now, but the storm outside hid it away, beneath the tempest. But inside, the ceiling was the same, crossed with the same lines as yesterday. Syndra traced the lines with her eyes, over and over until they all blurred together and Syndra couldn't tell what it was she was looking at anymore. But she couldn't look away. She couldn't, because even though she couldn't see it, she could feel the emptiness of the room around her, sucking away her energy.

If she looked away, she'd remember her spheres were lost once more.


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N: Guest- Thank you, but trust me, no one wants me to write a lemon. It would be awkward and badly worded and everyone would hate it. _**

**_Ulcaasi- Success!_**

**_I definitely miss you, but I understand. Thank you still taking the time to pop by c:_**

**_Redgrave-Thank you very much, and you are very welcome! _**

**_Zed's been pretty distracted with Shen and whatnot, which is why he and Syndra have such different reactions to being separated. (Srsly though, poor Syndra.)_**

**_As always, thank you for reading and please leave a review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

Selvi made his usual rotations around the order, trying his best to focus on the rain darkened buildings.

Silent, as always.

All the other advisors were off scouting, and for the first time since being assigned his job, he wished he was with them. Even though he usually preferred the solitude of watching over the order, he couldn't help but see Syndra everywhere; she was shrinking into the chair in Zed's apartment, she was meditating in the forest, she was dancing through the training grounds.

She was slamming a door in his face.

Selvi's fingers clenched, the wet leather making an uncomfortable noise. He'd gone about it all wrong; it was too fast, too soon for him to assume she was anything more than…

Than what?

Selvi stared at his fist, rain running over his fingers and falling onto the grass beneath him. No, Syndra wasn't his. But she wasn't anyone else's, either. Certainly not Zed's. How could she be? Selvi knew what happened, almost a year ago; he'd left her, he'd left her with no explanation or warning and hadn't bothered to contact her the entire time he was away. Zed didn't deserve her; he _never_ deserved her. And what really burned him, what really made his stomach turn and his mouth twist was that Syndra was too blind to see the situation for what it really was.

He left her.

And Selvi had been there, every day, to watch her slowly but surely deteriorate; to change from the mysterious, powerful mage he used to only catch glimpses of leading Zed around the order to the small, defeated person she was now.

Until he met her.

She'd gotten so much better; so bright and lively again. He knew there was something there, between them. He'd just rushed things. He'd made a mess of it the first time, but next time, when Syndra had the time to calm down and think, he'd do it better. Selvi relaxed the frown under his mask, dropping his fist to his side. He continued on the rest of his patrol, smiling despite the rain, considerably more energized than before. He passed back through the order, ignoring the increasing rainfall, heading for a part of the grounds he could meditate in out of the rain.

Or would have been, if it weren't for the lights he could see through the downpour, struggling to illuminate the space around the mess hall.

Selvi changed direction, only just now beginning to hear voices over the storm. He rushed into the temple, into warmer air and into a room considerably more crowded than he expected. He jerked to a standstill in the doorway, shock freezing his muscles. The people around him were soaked, ragged, their clothes worn from months on the road. Selvi's eyes whipped around the crowd, settling on one man nearly a head taller than the rest.

The order was back.

* * *

Syndra added another pillow to her pile, tilting her head and scrutinizing the setup. She smiled, satisfied, and took her seat, snuggling into the makeshift nest of pillows and pulling the single blanket over her, her only buffer against the wind. She glanced upwards, thankful again that her balcony was deep, and shielded from the rain.

She shifted her gaze outwards, towards the twisting forest and slanting rain. It was loud; much louder out here than in her room, but she liked it, almost. The quiet was suffocating… this was different. She pulled her blanket up passed her chin, frowning slightly. The cold… not a fan.

But the view.

The fortress was beautiful at night. The tall, stone architecture was painted black by the rain, making the shadows that shifted across it nearly impossible to see. Syndra focused on these the most. The constant shifting of black on black made her strain her focus, and eventually her eyelids began to droop, the result she'd been trying to achieve by coming out onto the balcony in the first place.

Syndra waited as long as she could before unhappily extricating herself from the pile, dragging herself to her bed and collapsing on top of pillows and blankets untouched by the wind. She finally let her eyes close, the storm around her lulling her to sleep.

* * *

Selvi wasn't sure how long he stood there, frozen in the doorway. It was a while before anyone noticed he was there, directing him towards the middle of the room. He pushed passed people injured and nearly falling asleep, towards the small group of returning advisors. He stopped at the edge of the ring of people, unable to see anything but the wide, rain soaked shoulders of the man who stood in the middle of the group. He turned around when he heard Selvi approach, his mask glinting in the torchlight.

"Selvi."

The voice was deep, commanding, and it rang above everyone else's, drowning out the white noise that filled the room.

"I'm leaving you in charge. There's something important for me to attend to."

He nearly rushed out then, brushing passed Selvi and into the storm. Selvi stared at the spot on his arm that Zed had touched, the taste of bile making his mouth twist. And then he was angry, too angry to move or speak or unclench the fists he could feel at his sides once more. It burned, to be ordered around, to have to deal with Zed's mess…

What could possibly be so important, so far into the night?

* * *

Syndra frowned, pulling a pillow over her face.

She was too tired for this.

There it was again; the quietest of noises, so near to silent. She threw the pillow away from her face, leaving her bed and striding to the balcony doors, opening them to the wind. She was so exhausted, so focused on the weariness that dragged at her limbs that she almost missed it.

Almost missed the shadow leaning against the railing, as if it'd been there all night.

Syndra jumped, her hand flying to her chest. She was almost scared, before realizing that she should be angry.

"Selvi, I thought I was very clear-"

Syndra's voice caught in her throat, and she forgot how to speak. This shadow… It was tall and held itself with confidence, wide shoulders held back, chin up, no mask to weigh him down.

Not Selvi.

"Syndra."

And suddenly the weight on her chest that she didn't know was there was gone, and she closed her eyes, leaning into the wind and savoring the feeling of being able to breathe, _really_ breathe, after so long.

And there it was, the impossible feeling of hands against her cheeks, the body she'd missed so badly pressed against hers. A finger tilted her chin back, no glove this time to scrape against her skin, no mask to bar her face from his.

"Zed."

Her lips whispered against his, and Syndra couldn't help herself anymore, closing what little distance there was between them and pressing her lips to his, arching into his embrace, hands desperately gripping his shirt. Syndra was surprised when Zed's fervor far exceeded hers; his hands refused to move from her face, nearly crushing her against his chest.

Syndra eventually had to pull away, gasping, breath fanning his face.

"_Syndra_."

Nothing had ever sounded better than that whisper, sighed longingly against her skin.

She wanted more, she _needed_ more, needed to be impossibly closer. Syndra tugged on the shirt she still had clutched in her hands, pulling Zed backwards, away from the balcony and into her room. Zed quickly picked up on her lead; he moved his hands to her hips, lifting her onto the bed and very, very gently easing himself on top of her, eagerly lowering his face to hers once more.

Being with Zed… It'd never been like this.

She was frustrated with the seconds wasted undressing, but the anticipation somehow made everything that followed infinitely more gratifying; she reveled in every movement and taste, never quite satisfied, always begging for more.

But even she had to stop sometime.

She was still awake when the sun rose the next day, shining through the clouds just barely before the storm swallowed the meager light. She was curled against Zed's chest, a much more favorable replacement to the pillows she usually shrouded herself in. His fingers traced light lines down her back, up and down, ghosting across her skin. She laughed as the movement persisted, lips curving into a smile.

"You're insufferable."

His chest shook slightly, his laugh quieter than hers.

"As always."

He was silent after that, and Syndra was content to lie there, for once enjoying the relative silence.

For a time.

She looked up after a while, moving a hand from Zed's chest to his cheek, her thumb tracing a light line across the new scar that cut down the left side of his face. As much as she wanted to stay there and forget why it'd been so long since she'd been held like this, she couldn't, not until she knew everything.

Zed closed his eyes, flinching slightly at Syndra's touch.

"What happened?"

It was a loaded question. There was a year's worth of explaining for him to do, and Syndra couldn't begin to imagine what had transpired while he was gone. He sighed, leaning into her hand.

"It's a long story." He warned.

Syndra better adjusted her hand to more comfortably lie against his skin, curling closer against him.

"We have plenty of time."


	20. Chapter 20

**_A/N: Rahegarn- Just… Wow. Thank you soooo so much. It really made my day to read that review, and I smile every time I see it. I'm beyond insanely glad that you like the fic, and that it even compares to the comic at all. Thank you again!_**

**_Ulcaasi- Dysfunctional is their middle names!... Or last names… Hm. _**

**_As always, thank you for reading and please leave a review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

"Zed wants to see you."

Selvi flinched, his already tenuous concentration shattering. The messenger waited for him to respond, or move, but Selvi kept perfectly still after the initial jerk.

"He's in the infirmary." The voice prompted.

Selvi waited for the sound of retreating footsteps before reluctantly dragging himself to his feet, brushing the loose leaves he'd been sitting on from his clothes. He took his time on the way to the infirmary; he was unusually tired this morning, and was definitely not in the mood to see Zed or be assigned something to do. He took a longer, more obscure route through the order, doing his best to avoid meeting anyone on the way. He wanted to get there without anyone else sending him off to do something, he wanted to get whatever it was Zed wanted done and he wanted to go back to meditating.

He paused outside the infirmary door, trying to loosen the fists at his sides before going inside. Zed was in the very back, being lightly fawned over by one of the healers. His back was to the door, and bare; the healer was cleaning numerous long, dark scratches that ran down Zed's shoulder blades, stretching to his ribs. He turned only slightly when he heard Selvi coming up behind him, tilting his head so he could see him.

"Were you busy?"

"No, Master."

Zed shifted. "Good, this is important. I found a map while we were gone, a map that…"

Selvi zoned out while Zed was talking, even though he knew what Zed was saying was very important and he should probably be a lot more interested than he was. He couldn't stop staring at what the healer was doing; the marks down Zed's back were new, even though he hadn't been anywhere near a fight since he'd been back. And the way they were positioned…

"… As soon as you can."

Selvi's head jerked up, his gaze moving back to Zed's face. Zed frowned.

"Are you well?"

Selvi could feel fists at his sides again; he pushed them behind his legs, looking down at the floor.

"Just tired."

The healer finished working; Zed tugged his shirt back on, retrieving his mask from where he'd set it down and affixing it to his face.

"Rest, then. This can wait another day."

He clapped Selvi on the shoulder as he said it, walking passed him and out of the infirmary. Selvi stood there, staring at the floor until the healer returned, shooing him away to make room. He left the infirmary, again heading slowly through the order on his way to his room.

He didn't want to meditate anymore.

He barely noticed when the rain began to fall, soaking his clothes and running down his mask. He glared at the sky anyway, cursing the small bit of misfortune. His glare fell to his hands, staying there until he was safely in his room, where it moved to the ceiling. Selvi vaguely knew that there was something Zed had told him to do, something important, but he couldn't think straight.

Couldn't think about anything but the marks down Zed's back.

* * *

Syndra ran her fingers down Zed's back, laughing when he flinched at the cold touch.

"They look better, at least."

Zed pushed away her hand, leaning back against Syndra's pillows and clasping his hands behind his head.

"You're vicious."

Syndra smiled and leaned over him, lightly dragging a fingernail down his chest.

"Am I?" She whispered.

She touched her forehead to his, her hair falling in a curtain around them. Zed moved the hands from behind his head, placing one on her cheek and the other on her hip, keeping her from moving away.

"Very."

Syndra pressed her lips to his, running her free hand across Zed's cheek and through his hair. She pulled her hand away almost immediately, pushing away Zed's hands and leaning away from him. She shook her wrist, smiling at the frustrated look on his face.

"Your hair is _very_ wet."

He rolled his eyes, gaze trailing across her face. He lifted a hand to her cheek, gently brushing a thumb underneath her eye. The shadow was still there when he removed his finger, the skin still dark and bruised.

"You're tired."

She covered his hand with one of hers, closing her eyes and leaning into the touch. She was _very_ tired, but stubborn about admitting it.

"Go to sleep. You don't have anywhere to be."

Syndra opened her eyes when he pulled his hand from underneath hers, opening his arms to make room for her. She frowned at the space.

"I can't when, with you here. You wake me up when you leave."

It was true, with one glaring exception, but Zed persisted, tugging on her hand until she complied, settling against his side. He adjusted the pillows around her, until everything was soft and warm and perfect. She was struggling to keep her eyelids open then, very slowly beginning to fall asleep. She was hardly paying attention when Zed whispered in her ear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

_You haven't adjusted the patrols._

Selvi flinched, trying his best not to make a face at the shadow that had, naturally, snuck up on him, invading his mind. He sat up in his bed, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"The patrols?"

The shadow laughed, the silent sound making his skin crawl.

_Missed something important, did we?_

Selvi looked up then, but the shadow's posture hadn't changed and he couldn't see its face… If it even had a face.

_See Yamir. Fix the patrol routes before Zed finds out you've ignored him._

Selvi was doing his best not to cringe, and trying not to think too much about why Zed's shadow was helping him. He thought it would leave, then, but he could still feel it, lurking in the corners of his mind.

_Distracted?_

And then it wasn't just the shadow's laughter in his head, but Syndra, body arched and fingers clawing at a back that wasn't his. Selv shook his head, desperate to clear the image and the sick laughter. The shadow twisted away, leaving him with a parting word.

_Interesting. _


	21. Chapter 21

**_A/N: Ulcaasi- Ah yes, the finger twiddling, my favorite writing technique._**

**_Tahimikamaxtli- Ohhh gosh. Thank you c:_**

**_xSilentWolf- I am honored to be your bedtime story! Thank you for reviewing, despite being busy ^-^ I do love these cookies. Also I love you._**

**_Anon- I am very glad you're enjoying !_**

**_AND as a side note to all you apparently dirty birds- Concerning the lemon… You're wearing on me. I really think I would not be the best person to write one… like, at all, but I'll think about it. _**

* * *

Selvi yawned, trying to ignore the cramping in his legs and adjust his position on the tree limb he was perched on at the same time. He cringed when a branch snapped off, thumping quietly against the ground far below him, but the camp he was watching remained still. His eyes roamed over the tents once again, for the hundredth time that night; unsurprisingly silent. He leaned against the trunk of the tree, finding a spot he was almost sure he wouldn't fall out of and closing his eyes.

The forest that had seemed so silent to him before was much louder when he was trying to sleep; he could hear every cricket and cicada as if they were crawling on him, and the leaves in the branches around him rattled loudly. He resigned himself to another sleepless night, huffing quietly into the air.

Selvi wasn't sure how long he stayed there, only just barely dozing when the camp finally, _finally _showed some signs of life. A girl crawled out of a tent at the very edge of the camp, near to the tree he was in. She flinched when she tripped on something in the dark, freezing until she was sure no one else heard the noise. She crept away from the camp, into the forest and passed Selvi's tree. He only really noticed long, dark hair tied back before she disappeared into the foliage. He pushed off of the tree limb, silently falling to the ground and carefully following the path the girl had taken through the woods.

She hadn't gone far; he found the clearing she was aiming for, hidden away behind the tall trees. She was in the center, stretching her arms behind her and bending to touch her toes. She was wearing clothes common to the Kinkou; skintight and easy to move in, a dark color green that perfectly matched the forest around her. Selvi watched until she was done stretching, but instead of doing… whatever it was she came out here to do, she sat down in the grass, closing her eyes and resting her hands on her knees. Selvi was confused, but intrigued. She sat there until the forest wasn't black anymore, just barely beginning to turn grey before moving. Selvi watched her reposition, noticing in the new light that she was much older than he'd originally thought.

She stood up, her hands held out in front of her, bending her knees and then…

Disappearing.

Selvi blinked, eyes whipping around the clearing. He searched the ground, finally shifting his gaze to the trees after finding nothing. And there she was; impossibly perched on a branch like he had been before, her mouth hidden behind half a mask but eyes wide and excited. Selvi watched as she vanished again, catching just the slightest glimpse of her moving even though he hadn't moved his eyes away from her. She kept this up for some time; jumping around the clearing almost too fast for Selvi to see. She stopped when the sun showed above the trees, and they were no longer shrouded in twilight. Selvi followed her back to the camp, where she made sure that there was still no one awake before quietly pushing aside her tent flap and climbing inside.

Selvi stood there, outside the camp, for a considerable amount of time, suddenly finding it difficult to move. That girl, whoever she was, was no ordinary Kinkou. He'd seen the exercises she'd gone through before, nearly every day.

Because he taught them.

They were shadow techniques.

* * *

Zed's shadow grinned.

It watched Selvi stare at the camp, stare at the camp for a _while_, before moving away, most likely back to the order. This was important news, after all; a Kinkou, versed in the shadow arts? How interesting. The shadow laughed, anticipating a time very soon that would be unfortunate for everyone at the order, thinking about three people in particular.

Very interesting, indeed.

* * *

Selvi used to love being at the order.

He felt nervous, now. With good reason.

He set the small bag he'd taken with him on patrol on his bed, eager to follow; the recent sleepless nights were wearing him down. His head had barely touched the pillow before he felt a familiar chill down his spine, and a very unwelcome voice in his head.

_Do you not have elsewhere to be?_

Selvi cringed. He figured feigning ignorance wasn't an option, trying instead to will the shadow away.

_Zed is in his temple._

His mind was free, then, but as happy as that would have made him any other day, he knew he couldn't take advantage of being alone to sleep. He staggered away from his bed, feeling as if lately, all he ever did was drag himself around the order, listening to what people told him to do.

It was very tiring.

He knocked on Zed's door, satisfied that at least the shadow wasn't around. An answer was a long time coming, considering how small the apartment was, and he was considering leaving when Zed answered. He looked confused; so the shadow _hadn't _been here. It was too late to leave now, so Selvi tried to explain.

"I was told by… told to report to you. About the patrol."

Zed still looked confused, but he waved him inside anyway.

"I trust it's important."

Selvi meant to answer, suddenly finding it a little more difficult to speak. Syndra was lounging in the same chair as always, a pillow in her lap and tea in her hands. Her face pinched just slightly when he walked in, but she was otherwise silent, focusing very intently on the tea in her hands.

Selvi shook his head. The sooner he finished, the sooner he could leave.

"I was following that Kinkou camp. There's a girl there, who knows our training. The technique is outdated, but she must've learned it from one of us."

Zed had gotten very serious, very fast.

"A girl?"

The flat tone made Selvi very uncomfortable, and the room felt very stuffy all of a sudden. Even Syndra lifted her head, picking up on the tension.

"Yes."

"That's all?"

Selvi had expected a very different response, but he wasn't going to pass up the chance to leave.

"Yes, Master."

Zed motioned to the door, and Selvi let himself out, once again dragging himself back to his room. This Kinkou woman… clearly important, since the shadow had wanted him to tell Zed right away. And the way Zed reacted… suspicious, certainly interesting, but Selvi didn't want to get more involved than he already was. He was exhausted enough, without anything extra.

He collapsed onto his bed for the second time that day, hoping there wouldn't be a third.

* * *

"Who's the girl?"

"She's… a long story, Syndra. Later."

Syndra frowned at the non-answer.

"Long stories are not your strong suit."

Zed rubbed his eyes, exasperation eating at his patience. He lifted his mask from the tea table, balancing it in one hand.

"I'll be back."

He could practically feel Syndra's glare. He stopped by her chair, tilting her head back so he could kiss her, and then putting on the mask.

"Soon."

He waited for her to say something, or at least ease the glare, but she frowned at him the whole way out. He sighed, resigning himself to an uncomfortable night. He'd worry about it… later. He had much bigger problems at the moment, that didn't include Syndra's slightly bruised feelings.

Problems with the Kinkou, again.


	22. Chapter 22

**_A/N: I'm very sorry for the late update! Writers block has been eating me alive, and I may or may not have binge watched both seasons of Orange is the New Black. The chapter is a little longer to compensate, but I apologize again._**

**_OwlRampage: I'm not even sure if I've figured out what I want her to do in the story yet. _**

**_Ulcasi: I saw somewhere on LoLWiki that a Rioter had mentioned Akali spending time with Zed early on and I really loved that idea, so I'm kind of just going with it. _**

**_Imagine Pie: Thank you so so much! I'm really sorry for the late update, I'll try to work on that. Ah yes, research lemons, very nice idea…_**

**_Redgrave: Yup, that was Akali! And thank you! Hopefully I can meet your expectations._**

**_Aaaaand about the lemon. I'll do it, but it'll be a one shot I'll upload separately. I also don't know when I'm going to do it, since I want to make sure it doesn't absolutely suck before letting you guys read it. _**

**_But anyways. Thank you for reading, and please leave a review! Enjoy!_**

* * *

_Syndra sighed against his skin, curling to his side and closing her eyes. _

_"I love you, Selvi."_

_He'd never heard anything so sweet, and he played the words over and over in his mind until the sentence became one sound, the only sound he'd ever known. _

_"I love you, too."_

* * *

It was impossible for Selvi to hold on to sleep for too long.

His body was dragging and the sky was still very dark, but here he was, crawling out of bed because of the voice in his head that never seemed to leave.

_Love? No, not like Zed at all. _

The shadow had a way of laughing while not laughing, that never failed to make Selvi's skin crawl. He rubbed roughly at his eyes, resigning himself to another sleepless day of doing whatever it was the shadow wanted.

"What is it today?"

_Return to the camp. Zed wants their movements tracked._

The camp was no small journey away, but it was _away_, and the prospect of a good night's sleep almost made Selvi feel better.

"He wants me to do it?"

Selvi normally wouldn't have asked, but with the shadow invading his mind and his dreams…

_He did not specify. Is there a problem?_

He flinched at the blatant threat, trying to focus on gathering the things he needed and not the malice in his mind. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder, heading for the door and averting his eyes from the corner of the room that the shadow preferred.

_Safe travels. _

* * *

Syndra always knew when she was being lied to, because everyone, no matter how versed in the art, had a tell; something that gave away the façade.

Even Zed.

"She didn't stay with us for very long. She preferred the ways of the Kinkou to the truth."

Syndra carefully studied his face; this part of the story –the very _long_ story- was true.

"She was the only one from the Kinkou that came to you."

"Yes."

Syndra thought on how best to phrase her next question.

"And you don't know why?"

Not quite the question she had originally planned on, but she knew that if she asked too much, Zed would just shut her out. He shrugged.

"I never asked."

And there it was; just the slightest twitch on the scarred side of his mouth.

He was lying.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her wrists on top of them and squinting at him from behind her arms.

"And that's it?"

"Yes."

Syndra shrugged. He wasn't going to tell her anything more now, and she wasn't in the mood to keep trying.

"Alright."

She couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw his shoulders drop just a little in relief, before he stood up and headed for the door.

"I have training today."

Syndra frowned; training took all _day. _She picked up the mask from where he'd left it, holding it next to her face.

"Forgetting something?"

He crossed the room again, holding a hand out from as far away as he could, ignoring Syndra's pout and waiting for her to put the mask in his hand. She gave it up reluctantly, glaring at him as he left and then the door when he was gone. She stared until she felt a very familiar but unwelcome presence in the room, one she was hoping to be without for a while yet.

_He's lying._

Syndra didn't move, keeping her eyes still focused on the door.

"I know."

_And yet…_

She sighed. This was taking longer than usual.

"And yet…?"

_You stay. _

She frowned at her hands, mouth twisting at the statement that sounded like an accusation.

"This is an unusual amount of interest… and talking. From you."

The shadow laughed, sending chills down her spine.

_You and Selvi have more in common than you might think. I question your choices._

And then it was gone. Usually this would be a relief, but it didn't usually speak so much to her, or say anything that was so…

So what?

What did it mean, that she was like Selvi? The comparison burned, and if it was possible, her frown increased. She was nothing like Selvi. And she shouldn't listen to anything the shadow said; it was a twisted, manipulative thing that lied more than Zed or Syndra or anyone. She was wasting her time being concerned by anything it said.

It occurred to her there were a lot of ways she was wasting her time.

* * *

Selvi had never seen the camp so active, but he'd never been there during the day before either. Everyone was busy doing something; cooking, cleaning, training. Everyone but the woman he'd come here to see.

He'd searched the camp, many times over, but she wasn't with anyone else. He guessed she was still in her tent; the tent at the edge of the camp, away from the daytime activity. He left his usual spot among the highest branches of the trees surrounding the camp, heading for the small camp he'd set up earlier. He was here to watch the woman, since he and the shadow both knew the camp as a whole weren't going anywhere, and she was the only thing of interest. But if the girl was hidden away, there was nothing more for him to do than wait until she left her tent, and in the meantime, he needed to sleep.

He settled against his pack, grateful that at least the shadow hadn't followed him… yet. The breeze was light and the trees kept the sun off his face, but he couldn't fall into the deep sleep that his body craved, only a shallow doze that was frequently interrupted but rattling leaves and snapping branches.

Snapping branches.

Selvi jumped off the ground, trying to fix his mask and listen to noise around him at the same time. He could hear it now; someone was moving around in the woods, away from the main camp. Judging by the darkening sky, he had a very good idea of who it was.

He followed the footsteps to the same clearing he found her in last time, and just like last time, she was starting her exercise with identical stretches. Selvi watched her until she was done, fighting to keep his eyes open the whole time. It was significantly harder than the last time to find her when she started dashing around, so when she disappeared from the clearing completely, Selvi attributed it more to the fact that he was barely awake than the possibility that she knew he was there.

He was wrong.

His fatal error was made all the clearer when he felt cold steel pressed against his throat, right underneath the mask. If he was dragging before he was wide awake now, singly focused on the weight against his neck.

"You're not Zed."

Any other day the statement would have made him laugh.

"Would you have caught me if I was?"

She didn't answer, but Selvi was right; Zed would never have been in this situation. The Kama she had held against hi tipped upwards, clipping the bottom of his mask.

"But you're Zed's student."

"Yes."

"And you're spying on us."

There was really no point to trying to lie, and Selvi was too tired to care.

"Yes."

She loosened her hold marginally, but didn't move from where she was standing.

"You're ill."

Selvi had no idea what he looked like to her; like Zed, apparently, but it'd been months since he'd slept through the night and the shadow had been there nearly every day to torment him. He was sure he looked awful. He took too long to answer, but she nudged him forward.

"Sit."

He was pushed more or less into a sitting position, and he slumped gratefully into the grass. The girl moved to the side so she could see his face, moving out of the shadows in the process. She was much more interesting up close; her eyes were bright and restless, and her clothes had a way of blending into the greenery like nothing he'd ever seen before.

"You don't seem to mind being captured."

He should mind; being captured meant betraying the order, but hadn't he already? Because if Zed knew about Syndra… he shook his head. That wasn't the problem right now.

"I can't tell you anything of importance."

As much of a stranger as he'd become to the order, he would still die before giving away its secrets.

"What's wrong with you?"

A loaded question.

"Tired. Zed's shadow doesn't let me sleep, because of Syndra, but I can't leave…"

It took him a moment to realize she had no idea who Syndra was, judging from the confused look on her face.

"Syndra?"

"His…"

Selvi waved a hand.

"I'm not even sure what she is."

The girl's expression didn't change, but she moved out of her offensive stance.

"Zed has ruined you."

Selvi was aware it was a very rude thing to say, but he couldn't really tell her she was wrong.

"He'll ruin Syndra, too."

This caught his attention; if anything, he was lost, but Syndra didn't have to be. Syndra didn't deserve to be dragged down like he was. But there wasn't anything he could do.

"What's your name?"

"Selvi."

She lowered her Kamas all the way.

"Selvi. You're dying. Zed doesn't care about your life, he doesn't care about Syndra's. He cares only for himself."

That couldn't be true, because Zed took him in when he had nothing; he was no one until he joined the order…

"I assume you know I've trained with him. He doesn't know love or compassion. You aren't doing yourself any favors."

She was right. Everything she said, was right. But he couldn't leave the only family he'd ever had, despite the shadow and Syndra and Zed. He couldn't.

The woman's eyes held nothing but pity.

"Leave, then. Send Zed my regards."

And she was gone. Selvi stayed in the same spot, not quite able to understand how badly things had gone in so short a time. He'd been captured, and now the camp was going to move and Shen was going to know that Zed's scouts were trailing him.

He had to get back to the order.

* * *

Akali watched Selvi until he left, following him most of the night until she was sure he was alone and leaving the area.

She still couldn't believe it.

Zed sent a sick, mentally unwell scout into _her _camp… And he'd told her everything she needed to know about Syndra.

Akali didn't know much about her, only that she had a very fragile alliance with the Ionian elders that Shen knew and that if she was caught with Zed, that alliance would mean nothing. She needed to get back to the camp and get them moving, but most importantly she needed to get a message to Shen. This was the break the Kinkou needed; this was their way out of Zed's relentless hunt.

Syndra was the key.

* * *

"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

Zed whispered against her neck, sinking into the space behind her. She _should_ be asleep; she'd stayed up all day and well into the night, waiting for him to come home, and she was exhausted. But every time she tried, her mind wouldn't let her forget:

_He's lying, he's lying, he's lying…_

She pulled away from him, sitting up and running her hands through her hair.

"I'm not tired."

Zed laughed, running an arm around her waist. He stopped laughing when she flinched ever so slightly away.

"What's wrong?"

She didn't know what to say; what had happened with the girl, whenever it happened, didn't concern her in any way. It shouldn't bother her, and it wasn't her right to be suspicious.

But he lied.

"Syndra."

Syndra left the bed, walking across her room to sit on the divan instead. She made herself comfortable before thinking of where to start.

"You were lying before. About the girl."

Silence.

She kept her eyes down, watching her fingers pull on a stray thread hanging loose from one of the pillows.

"The shadow even said-"

Syndra was grateful it was dark, so Zed's glare didn't have quite the same effect it would have had during the day.

"You should know better than to listen to anything it says."

It was irritating, that Zed thought she would go solely on something the shadow said.

"Don't patronize me. I can tell for myself when you're lying."

His glare turned from anger to exasperation.

"You're overreacting."

Syndra shrugged.

"Tell me the truth, then."

He sighed, throwing his hands in the air.

"What is it you want to know? I haven't had anything to do with Akali in years, and nothing that happened is relevant now."

Syndra voiced the worry that had been bothering her the most.

"She wasn't just a student to you."

Judging from the sudden silence, she was right.

"So, she was…?"

Zed left the bed, heading for the door.

"Enough."

And now it was Syndra's turn to be angry.

"That isn't how this works." She waved a hand between them, fighting to keep her voice below a shout.

"You can't pick to be truthful when it's convenient for you."

He whipped around, suddenly very close and very loud.

"She was a _student_ Syndra, for much longer than I've known you. My best student. And she left, to be with Shen. She was blind, and stubbornly refused to see the truth. _Shen_ blinded her."

And there it was; it all came back to Shen in the end. Syndra could deal with one Kinkou consuming him, but this… It was harder to ask her next question.

"Did you love her?"

His reaction was immediate, moving far away from her and back to the door.

"Don't be naive."

Syndra's face twisted. Zed was turning this on her, and she'd had enough.

"You're right, how childish of me. You, love? Forgive the callow assumption."

She moved to the door he was still standing next to, opening it and waving a hand through the entrance.

"I hope it's not too _naïve_ of me to say you were on your way out."

He tried to speak, but she lifted a hand, effectively silencing him.

"Out."

She wasn't in the mood to wait.

"_Now."_

She closed her eyes, waiting for the very light sound of footsteps to disappear before shutting the door and leaning against it sliding to the ground. She shouldn't have asked, she shouldn't have pried into a past that had nothing to do with her…

But he shouldn't have lied.

And now she knew, knew that Zed was nothing but his obsession with Shen. Zed didn't care about lying to her or anyone else.

Zed didn't love her.

The admission made her eyes sting and her throat tight, but she ignored it, tried to ignore the misery she'd brought on herself. This was her fault; it'd been her fault from the beginning. Her fault to assume feelings that didn't exist, to stick her nose where it didn't belong, to involve herself with Zed at all.

She picked herself up off the floor, moving to the bed and beneath the pillows that had shielded her for the long months that Zed had been away. He was right; she was naïve, and now she'd have to deal with the consequences. She pulled the covers tighter around herself, ignoring the pain behind her eyes and the tightness in her chest.

As covered as she was, the bed still felt empty.


	23. Chapter 23

**_A/N: Okay to start things off; I really want to wrap up this half of the story, since it's gotten quite lengthy. I think in a chapter or two, I'll kind of tie it off and pick it up on a Balancing Shadows Part 2. (Because 23 chapters, wow.) I'll make sure when I do it to leave an A/N and publish the new story in a very timely manner, so no worries!_**

**_Okay._**

**_Oh god, I think I broke Ulcaasi._**

**_xSilentwolf- No crying! Only love… lots of love… for everyone… muahaha. Dear lord, Teemo and Taric… very cruel. I am most definitely a chocolate chip lover!_**

**_Redgrave- Right? Very low. Thank you!_**

**_Rahegarn- His shadow absolutely loves to mess with anyone and everyone (especially people Zed show an interest in) but shadows work in very mysterious ways. _**

* * *

Faster, faster, he had to move faster… He was tired, deliriously so, but he couldn't afford to be late, he couldn't stop or sleep or slow down, not this time…

Because Syndra was in trouble.

The woman of the forest, the _forest_ had told him so, it had said so much. Syndra was in trouble, Syndra was in danger, Syndra had to be saved. Saved from the shadows…

Saved from Zed.

Tired as he was, the name made him burn; it gave new energy to his strained muscles and he moved even faster than before, faster than he ever thought he could.

For Syndra.

* * *

"You joined the League?"

Karma pursed her lips, waiting for Syndra to say something a little more… derisive, but she kept her eyes on the table and didn't continue.

"Captain Lito and me, yes. It's a way for Ionia to show their support."

Syndra drummed her fingers on the table, watching her fingernails click against the wood.

"It's up to you to decide who you're controlled by, I suppose."

Karma's mouth twisted; there it was.

"You know that isn't what it is, and you might consider joining yourself. It would be an incredible gesture of good faith."

Syndra didn't have the energy to be angry, although normally the offer would make her furious. She sighed quietly, still watching her fingers.

"No, thank you."

Her deflated voice must have caught Karma's attention, and she carefully placed a hand over Syndra's, pressing her fingers to the table and silencing the tapping. Syndra didn't retract her hand right away, giving Karma the chance to speak.

"I thought you were… better."

Syndra was careful to keep her attention on the fingers she could no longer see, swallowing passed an uncomfortable lump in her throat.

"I don't know what you mean."

Her choked voice clearly showed otherwise, and Karma very tentatively tried again.

"Syndra, I know you chose to ignore it, but I do care for you very much. But I cannot help you if you stay silent."

Her words were soft spoken and gentle, but they made Syndra's eyes sting and the room was suddenly much too small, the hand over hers a little too heavy. She tugged her fingers away, pulling it to her chest and standing out of her chair a little too fast, knocking it behind her.

"I need to… I have to go."

Syndra stumbled over her words and over her feet and to the doorway, to the sound of a very familiar sigh behind her. She walked away from the house and onto the path, beneath trees that were shaking in the wind. There was a storm coming, and Syndra did her best to move faster, trying to avoid the first of the falling raindrops. It was only after she was soaked, her clothes sticking to her skin and stringy hair clinging to her cheeks that she realized she didn't care; she didn't care about the rain or the storm or Karma over stepping their careful boundaries. She only cared about that feeling in her chest that she couldn't seem to get rid of, that left her with bleak days and sleepless nights.

It was eating her alive.

It wasn't her fault, she knew; everything she'd said, every reason she had that had landed her here, was _right. _She didn't deserve to be lied to and led on. Syndra deserved so much more.

So why did she feel so miserable?

And it wasn't the rain or Karma's presumptuous offers, it was the fact that after trudging the forest and finally returning home, she was alone; there was no one in the garden or on the balcony, no one she could crawl into bed with to enjoy the storm. And it made the ache all the worse to know that she shouldn't feel this way. She'd been wronged and she was still here, still pining and aching after someone that could care less about love or heartache.

When would this end?

* * *

Zed threaded through the rows of his students, carefully scrutinizing their balanced forms. Nearly perfect, except… He paused in front of a newer student, adjusting the angle at which he was holding his arm.

Now it was perfect.

He'd been afraid that with his… sporadic absence, the students had been suffering, but he was more than pleased with their rate of progress. All around him was new promise, and the relief nearly elicited a smile.

But he could only be pleased for so long.

Being at the order made it… easier, to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of his mind. A feeling that he'd been without since…

He shook his head, moving away from the students and trying to put the uncomfortable feeling out of his mind. He wasn't wrong; it wasn't wrong to keep his personal past… well, personal. He didn't owe anyone any explanations, least of all someone who had been in his life for such a short time. It should anger him that she had demanded anything from him at all, but the feeling that had been plaguing him was a far cry from anger, and that bothered him more than anything. He felt…

It was distracting and sickening, but he had no name for it, and he didn't know what to do to being to fix it. He couldn't go back to Syndra. She was _wrong. _Just because he'd let her see under the mask, just because he'd been with her, didn't give the right to any of his past. She was an enjoyment, sure, but he didn't owe her anything.

_My my, how you've blinded yourself._

Zed's stride stuttered, his distracted musing interrupted. He gave the shadow one quick flick of his eyes as acknowledgment, then continued to walk, his mood even worse off than before.

_She is no plaything to you. _

He still walked, but it was impossible to outrun his own shadow.

"She is no more to me."

It laughed, it laughed and laughed until Zed's fingers twitched, itching to cradle his head.

_You are weak. You continue to let pride ruin you. _

Zed whirled on the shadow that was himself, the thing that stalked and whispered and lied.

"Pride is not weakness."

_And neither is love. _

* * *

He was so close.

This was the forest he knew; he'd been here so many times, all those nights. It even felt the same. Then, he'd been keeping her safe while Zed was away, but this time… This time he could _really _protect her.

It was all he ever wanted.

* * *

The thunder was what Syndra loved most about storms.

Every new thunderclap never ceased to make her heart jump, and she craved the adrenaline rush, no matter how small or short lived. She was disappointed with this particular storm; no thunder, only a relentless rainfall that painted the world black. She closed her eyes, tried her best to do nothing but listen. If she concentrated, _really_ concentrated, every small splash of water was the most miniature of thunderclaps, and she almost reached the feeling she was chasing.

Almost.

She opened her eyes after a few hours of almost, squinting at the relentless downpour. It was still dark; dawn was a few hours off yet, and she figured she should probably get to sleep. She let her eyes drag over the fortress one more time, inspecting every space between the buildings, every corner of the courtyard, searching for…

A shadow.

She could hardly believe it; there was that familiar shape she missed so much, just now stepping into the courtyard. And even though she was angry -furious, even- she yearned to be down there, and she found herself pressed against the balcony railing, reaching a hand into the rain.

"Zed."

It was a whisper she knew he would hear; an invitation to forget every heavy grievance between them and to _forget. _She waited, keeping her hand extended and a smile on her face, studying every line of the hood he wore to fend off the storm, every fold of the bag strapped to his back. She waited, but he stayed; stayed there in the rain, hunched beneath the onslaught and ignoring her gesture.

And then she noticed.

This wasn't a hood she'd seen before, and it was worn, soaked to the skin and frayed, and the way he held his shoulders…

This was not Zed.

* * *

Shen stared at the inoffensive paper in his shaking hands, his stomach beginning to twist. It was neat and small, signed off in Akali's handwriting, but it made Shen sick beyond belief.

Zed, and the Sovereign?

He didn't know the extent of the partnership, he didn't know how deep the woman had sunk her claws into him, but he did know of the Sovereign. He knew she was wicked and manipulative, and she would not stop until she consumed Zed. Because even after all this time, and what he'd done, Shen knew that Zed was not lost. Shen had hope for his soul, Shen had hope to _save_ him.

But he could not let this witch ruin him.


	24. Chapter 24

**_A/N: Okay guys! This is the last chapter for part 1, and part 2 will be shortly on its way! Thanks for all the encouragement and for sticking with me through 24 chapters of shadowy goodness. Hopefully I'll see you around part 2!_**

**_Ulcaasi- Nooo I want to stay far away from ever breaking you. You are? C: It was you who really got me to write it, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me and keeping me going! Lots of love 3_**

**_xSilentWolf- RAISIN?! And here I was, thinking we were the best of friends. There will be more! But hopefully no more raisin cookies :/_**

**_Edit 7/27: Part two is up!_**

* * *

Zed stared at the far wall, only barely noticing that the tea in his hands was beginning to burn his fingers. He stared until the cup was cold and his vision was blurry, the lines in the wood all beginning to blur together. It wasn't easy not to think, but he was close, close to nothing. But nothing was… Empty.

Nearly empty.

_There is a problem._

Zed blinked his eyes, clearing his vision and tapping a finger against the cup in his hand.

"Yes. Because you're here."

The shadow laughed, twisting from behind him and into the chair that was usually occupied by someone that was far better company.

_Scathing. _

He put the cup on the table between them, rubbing the part of the scar that ran across his eye.

"What is it?"

_Syndra. _

The shadow had his attention now; he let his hand drop away from his face, focusing on the twisting darkness that was so casually seated across from him.

"Go on."

_Interested? In a mere plaything, no less._

Zed's fingers twitched, and he tried his best to keep his voice level.

"Enough."

_The fortress._

He brought his fingers back to his face, rubbing a different section of the scar.

"That's hardly a problem."

_I was referencing the people in the fortress._

Zed smiled wryly at the shadow, feeling the scar bunch beneath his fingertips.

"That isn't, either."

_It is if it is Selvi._

Zed's smile froze on his face, his hand falling to his lap.

"Selvi… The patrol."

_Interesting relationship._

His smile twisted into something more related to a grimace, and he waved a hand at the shadow, standing up.

"I'm not interested in their relationship."

The shadow moved in front of the only way out, and for once, Zed stopped to listen to what he had to say.

_Sensitive. But not what you think. And you are short on time._

Zed threw his hands up in frustration; he'd stopped to listen to riddles, and he was not known for his patience.

"I don't have time for this."

_But you have time for Syndra._

* * *

She was here; she was safe.

Syndra was safe.

* * *

Syndra rushed through the rain, pulling on Selvi's coat and ushering him into the foyer of her home. He stood just inside the doorway, not moving and dripping water all over the tile. Syndra reached a hand out to tug on a shoulder, but her hand shook and she pulled it back, wrapping her own coat around her arms.

"Selvi."

Her voice was a scared whisper that normally would have disgusted her, but now…

"Selvi, you can't be here."

He moved then, whipping around faster than she could follow, spraying her with frigid rain water.

"I had to be here, the woman told me. I made it! You're safe."

He breathed out the last words, sinking towards her and raising a gloved hand to her cheek. The leather she'd always disliked rubbed against her skin, and it took all her self-control not to flinch away.

"Selvi."

She carefully raised a hand, peeling the glove away from her face and returning it to his side. His face was still hidden behind his cowl, and she lifted her other hand to gently pull it back.

Selvi looked… Terrible. His skin was gaunt and sickly pale, paler than Zed's, and his eyes… They were puffy and bloodshot, constantly darting from one spot on Syndra's face to the next, never resting. She took a small step backwards, back to the door, trying to put a little distance between them. Selvi followed her, his eyes rapidly tracking every movement.

"Syndra, don't you understand? I've saved you. He can't hurt you anymore! Zed can't hurt you. Because I'm here."

Syndra's face twisted in disbelief.

"Selvi, what are you talking about? Zed didn't hurt me."

It wasn't exactly the truth, but he had never physically harmed her, and she had a feeling that's what Selvi's deluded mind had led him to believe. Selvi glared down at her, taking a step closer.

"Did he tell you that? Did he threaten you?"

The closeness was suffocating now; the front of his coat was soaking hers, and his breath was washing over her face. Syndra stepped back, until her back hit the door. She held up a hand, a small buffer between them, trying to think of what she could possibly do to get him to leave without hurting him.

"I am _fine. _He wouldn't threaten me."

Selvi held up his own hand, pressing it against Syndra's and threading his fingers through hers.

"But the shadow girl… _she_ told me about Zed, about everything. She told me he wanted to hurt you… she told me he doesn't love you."

Syndra yanked her hand back, the words a slap in the face. This was _not_ what she expected, to be blindsided by Selvi of all people. How could he _know_; about the fight, about what she and Zed had…

He didn't.

It must be so obvious, then, for someone as absent as Selvi to have picked up on something Syndra had never been able to see. And it wasn't until now, when the pain of her hand smacking into her chest turned into something much different that she realized she hadn't believed it before. The other week, when they had that fight… She'd been hoping that it was a lie, all of it, but now…

Selvi ignored her flinch, the misery on her face, the gaze that had dropped from his and to the floor. He lifted a hand to her face again, tilting her chin up. His thumb traced underneath one, wiping away rain or tears, she couldn't tell.

"Syndra."

The excited whisper was twisted, and when Syndra tried to lean her head away, the fingers underneath her chin clamped down, keeping it in place.

"Zed doesn't love you… But _I_ do. I love you."

The shock… Syndra's mouth dropped open, which Selvi must have taken as an invitation, because he leaned close, closer than before, _too_ close…

"Enough."

Syndra could have cried from relief; the voice was murderous, too angry, but gods how she missed it. Selvi released her chin, whipping his head around to the stairway across the room. There was no mistaking the shadow this time; there was nothing weighing down his shoulders, and the only thing across his face was the most terrifying glare she had ever seen.

"Zed."

Just a whisper - but full of relief. Zed's eyes slid away from Selvi and to Syndra's face, and if it was possible, the glare got worse. He waved a hand from Selvi to the opposite wall, and Syndra noticed for the first time the blades strapped to his arm, glinting in what little light there was.

"Away from her. Now."

Selvi turned fully around, keeping his back to Syndra and holding an arm across her, as if to protect her from Zed.

"You can't hurt her. Not anymore."

Selvi moved that arm into his coat, and although Syndra couldn't see it, she could hear the very distinct sound of metal sliding over metal, and when he let his hand fall back to his side his fingers were curled very expertly around the hilt of a long, wicked dagger.

Zed rolled his eyes.

"Leave. There is no outcome where you continue this and live."

Selvi tapped the blade against his leg, hanging his head before looking back up at Zed and then doing something Syndra never would have expected.

He cried.

"I know."

His voice was choked and uneven, and he moved the blade in his hand, pointing it towards Zed.

"I _know._ The shadow is everywhere, I just thought… I hoped… we would have more time."

Syndra briefly caught Zed's eye, relieved to see he appeared to be just as confused as she was. Selvi knew Zed would come? If he knew, and he was sick, why would he come at all, why would he even bother…

And then Zed's look was no longer confused.

He held up a hand, significantly less threatening than before.

"Selvi. Away. Now."

Selvi made a noise more easily associated with whimpering children, and lifted the dagger to chest height.

"I just needed more time with her."

And then this shadow student, one of Zed's best, he whipped around to face Syndra, his crazed eyes taking in every detail of her terrified face.

"I love you."

And then he lifted that dagger made to cut shadows and plunged it deep, deep into Syndra's coat, through cloth and skin until the metal was buried and lost, and Syndra was finally protected from the shadows she loved.


End file.
